R2C, I am and have been using the time to better myself. I am doing my best to GAL and have a pretty full plate at the moment with the hobbies that I have re-started after many years. The next step is really making my own network of friends here in a new place, especially guy friends.
I know that I am supposed to detach and not worry about what my W is thinking or doing and for the most part I do not even think about it. It is just that I feel like the last few weeks/months between DBing and seeing a IC I have had some sort of epiphany and see myself in a new way. I am really disgusted with the way I treated myself in the past and as result treated my wife.
Maybe because a D is on my doorstep or maybe it is because our Anniversary is only 2 weeks away, I just feel like I should at least own up to who I was and maybe even apologize for my behavior. Is the reason why I should not do that because of the possibility that I will not be able to do it with some expectation that she reacts positively to it, thus setting me back personally and even the chance of a R?
Again I did a poor job of conveying my feelings, saying I am sorry, and validating her feelings in the M, would it not be a 180 to do that now? Or is it simply a day late and a dollar short at this point?
Would a letter be a better way to avoid falling into the trap of coming across as needy or weak during a face to face meeting? My W used to remark that I never write her anymore and that was something that she cherished in the early years of our R.
My DB coach made some mention that by potentially showing her that I am someone can that learn and grow it may spark her to be more interested in learning about the new me. How do I do that without contact? We do not have any mutual friends in the area and I am not on social media?
