I can sense that I am in some sort of funk and cannot turn my mind off. I am struggling again with trusting myself that I am doing the right thing here.
I have been reading old texts and emails to help me figure out what I did wrong and where I can do a 180 and something finally clicked.
When I got stressed or upset, I had a tendency to shut other people out and keep to myself until I could process everything. This was really hard on wife and after seeing it multiple times in past texts, I can see it upset her more than I originally thought. I did a poor job of apologizing for this...
I can also see where I contributed to making her feel smothered or that I was being controlling. Again it probably comes from the NGS and being new to the area and not having any guy friends. I never let her go do stuff on her own, I always felt left out and alone and I can see now that I acted in a passive aggressive manner that made her feel bad about taking care of her social needs.
I just feel like I have learned so much and can recognize where I went wrong and if she only knew that I knew that. I know I should be focusing on me and I know that having a logical argument about where I am now versus 2+ months ago with someone in a emotional state is a bad idea, but I still struggle with wanting to try. It is programmed into us since childhood that we should always try, yet DBing is counter intuitive.
Sorry for the rambling, I just want to fix this or at least get another chance to start over.
