I have retained an attorney, which feels totally deflating, but if I am to potentially set her free, I guess it what is necessary.
My W wrote me back today saying that she does not feel comfortable coming to any agreement without her Atty present. She even went on to say that she hired her atty to make things easier for us.... really for us? She also goes to say that if I wish to say anything to her in private that out of respect for me she would be willing to listen to me and hear me out but will not agree to terms.
My initial thought is just to have her atty contact mine with whatever terms she has in mind and go from there, but wanted to get the boards opinion about whether I should meet her face to face to discuss...well anything. Before when I thought there was a possibility of having a civil conversation and potentially coming to an agreement, my DB coach said I could take the opportunity to tell her that I do not wish to stand in the way of her happiness and will not try to prevent a D. I also mentioned that I am a recovering NG and have learned a lot and understand better now my contribution to adding stress to the M. My coach suggested that I could let her know what I have learned and maybe even apologize for making things difficult at times. Specifically, I mentioned that I lost my way a few years back and stopped taking care or/prioritizing my needs thus putting a lot of pressure on her. I also am guilty of things such as covert contracts and then acting in a passive aggressive manner when I was frustrated that I did not get what I did not ask her for.
I know it will not stop anything with the D, but do I bother telling her those things? Does it even matter? I read over and over again that WW do not want to hear any of this stuff not do their believe that we are capable of change, so part of me is telling me to use my knowledge to simply better myself and not enlighten her about how I feel. If she wants to know, she would need to ask, right? For the last 2 months, my W has shown no interest in talking to me or even contacting me outside of taking care of the dog or the next steps towards a D.
I can hear my DB Coach in my head asking the question, what does she expect you to do? And how can you show her that this is not the same old Hero18?
I guess what caught me off guard was her offer to listen to me. Is this one of those cheerless tunnels or something I should be taking advantage of?
