95% of your posts are about your soon to be ex wife. If you look at peoples posts who have embraced this process i.e. Maika for example, they all post about themselves, the journey they are on, how they are feeling and what they are doing to cope etc..
I'm looking after the kids and running the house on my own, getting out doing new things on a regular basis, looking after myself, getting emotional help and support, doing more hobbies, starting a new course, standing up for myself legally. I had been feeling down about W freezing the joint account but now that I've taken-over the bills I feel empowered and more independent despite the financial implications.
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No point sugar coating it and saying you are the same i.e. following DB because your not. It was only last week you were going to tell her this was all down to a parental death that made you depressed. No one that understands the process would consider doing that. There is a complete lack of understanding of the process and the impact of your actions- which is clearly reflected as your situation declines.
I didn't send her that message. I got it off my chest on here because sometimes I do have an off moment a need a 2x4. I do take responsibility for my part that I was depressed due to a death and so I became less attractive. I can understand that. What I don't take any responsibility for is W and ILs not standing by me and trying everything to keep our family together instead of making a massive effort plotting behind my back to leave and tell lies about me to give her a better chance of custody. That isn't acceptable to me.
A few days ago my IC said it was noticeable how much I've changed even in the last few weeks about how I've gone from trying to save the MR to seriously considering starting D. I know the kind of relationship that I want.
This week I declined W offering to help on one of my days with the kids. I said I'd be able to manage fine. It would have been an opportunity to see her but I didn't want too.
I have been great at not contacting her, I'm happy polite and confident when I have to be around her. I feel sorry for her because whilst she may win custody and have more money, she seems unhappy, lies all the time, is unable to cope without her parents doing so much for her, is losing me and our family being together.
I'm feeling similar to how I did in a relationship I was in many years ago. I was dumped and I moved far away to start a new life. I got back together with that woman about a year later after no contact. I was then dumped again as the person backed-down from moving to start a new life with me, but I wasn't bothered. I was soon glad to be out of that R because I'd changed but she hadn't. A few days ago my mother said to me that the woman had later written to her regretting how she had treated me. I hadn't known that. I'm sure W will one-day feel the same. The idea of a new life doesn't frighten me. I've done it before so I know I can do it again.
A few days ago I lost my phone. I panicked at first because there were contacts etc. on there not backed-up. Then I thought, 'Oh well, so what, it's an opportunity for a new phone and new contacts'. I told this to my IC who realised that really it was me being more ready to move-on with my life. Strangely, on the way home I went past a lost property office. I went inside and there was my phone on a desk. Some kind person had handed it in. I was willing to let it go but got it back. I realise that you can't pretend to yourself to let something go. You have to feel that way and you can't force yourself to feel that way, but you can do things to try to help you feel that way.
