I thought the only way she would see me change is if I am at the house. Separations very seldom work as how can she see any changes in me when I won't have any contact. So basically this is the end.
These should be posed as questions here, not statements. Because you are in fact incorrect. We've had people here that lived in other states and even other countries and still showed their spouse changes. Things you do to change yourself positively WILL get back to your spouse through friends, family and social media. The less you try to show them your changes the more likely they are to notice them.
Regarding separations, in-house separations where the couple continues to live together rarely lead to reconciling. Usually it just makes things continue to deteriorate. It is extremely difficult to give the WAS the time and space they want and need when you are still under the same roof. The resentment just continues to grow. About the best you can hope for is a sexless marriage of convenience if living together. However, out-of-house separation gives the WAS the time and space they need. It also helps them realize that S and D is not going to give them the Utopian life they hope for. They get out there and meet people and maybe date and find out there are a lot of crap people in the world. It also allows the LBS to clear their mind of the WAS and go about the business of rebuilding themselves. There are no guarantees, but more recons have come after separation and even divorce than from in-house separations.
Asked if I could stay at the house Wednesday night as taking my boy to football and will get back late. Her response
"Absolutely not. It will be done by 9:30, no way you will be in Weston at midnight. And anyway you can have an early night the following day, it's not like you have to juggle work and kids all week"
Do I respond? My feeling is just to leave it? Sorry new to this DBing. Or do I just say "ok fine"?
No I am staying in a shared house currently so not 50/50. Just seeing kids twice a week. Yes I am working full time.
OK thanks.
Originally Posted by WW
it's not like you have to juggle work and kids all week
I assume she works based off her statement. I translate this to "H, please help parent our kids more. I need a break. Could you do this for me?"
So the question is, do you want 50/50 parenting responsibilities if you end up divorced? I will assume you say yes. Correct me if my assumption is wrong.
DBing is walking two (or more) paths at the same time. Preparing for divorce and repairing the relationship.
One part of preparing for D is getting yourself into a 50/50 parenting arrangement. This also helps in repairing the R.
As far as repairing the relationship, one of the most important things RIGHT NOW is to change the way you interact. You change, FORCES her to change on how she responds.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
I would like joint custody but for this to work we would have to live near each other. If we do divorce she will stay where she is (in the country) but I will be moving back to the city. So about 10 miles apart but doesn't make the co-parenting work. For me living where we were did not make me happy, I lived there as she wanted too. So I am torn really, yes I want 50/50 with kids but I also need to be happy with location.
Should I be asking her if she needs me to have children more?
I would like joint custody but for this to work we would have to live near each other. If we do divorce she will stay where she is (in the country) but I will be moving back to the city. So about 10 miles apart but doesn't make the co-parenting work.
I drive 18 miles to work in the city from a smaller town. My Buddy is 20 miles away from his X, and possibly farther from school and kid activities. He is making it work. 10 miles is close. There are solutions. We can worry about that later.
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For me living where we were did not make me happy, I lived there as she wanted too.
Always trade off’s.
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Should I be asking her if she needs me to have children more?
I don't think you should be ASKING. I think you should OFFER. If she refuses then you can start setting some boundaries.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
