World is upside down right now

[othstr]

Hi guys,

It has been quite some time since I posted, as you can tell. A lot has happened since July. We started talking and he said he was confused and wasn't sure what he really wanted. We went on a couple dates and talked on a regular basis. Of course, he was still with her, so I know, he was cake eating. I started to tell him that he was wanting to work on things, she is not in the equation. He eventually, it was not a fast process, left her and moved back in with me in our house. It was good at the beginning, but then I could tell that he was distant. We talked about what happened and I asked questions and he answered. I will say that I looked at his phone because I needed to make sure he wasn't talking to her, however, you can delete messages and phone calls, so even though it didn't show he was talking to her, I wasn't completely believing it. He kept saying that she hates him for doing what he did to her and won't talk to him again. Fast forward a little bit, 3 weeks of total time being at home, we went to a counseling session, he went to work, came home, I could tell that he was acting/seeming different. The next day, he tells me he's not happy and he is leaving. 3 weeks, that was his attempt at trying to work on us.

I have read that the WS needs to show remorse, I could tell there was no remorse from him. He mentioned at one point that he missed the relationship with her... That one hurt.

So current day, I am 6 weeks away from welcoming a little bundle of joy into my life. I am really looking forward to having something that consumes my life and my love. He never really talked about the baby when he was here, so I am going on with my life as if he won't be a part of it. I am not contacting him, he has contacted me a couple times to ask about the baby, and myself, how I'm doing/feeling. He will even ask about my life, it is very confusing at times. It is about 2 weeks in between contacts from him. I have been the bigger person in this and could go off on him, I certainly do in my head, but I know it won't get me anywhere. He says he wants to be in the baby's life and wants to be there at the birth. As of now, I am telling him that he can be there, it is for the baby, and that's what matters. I know that he is back with her, but he lies and says she still won't talk with him. I know the rule is believe nothing of what they say, so we will see what happens even with the baby. My friends and family will be at the hospital to support me, I know he will feel uncomfortable being around them, oh well, his choices!

I am busy getting ready for the baby, and doing my best to GAL, I have been super busy lately and just try to find things to do when I don't have anything to do. I am nervous about what the dynamic will be like when the baby comes. If he is going to visit, he will be visiting the baby at my house, with me there, not necessarily in the same room, but that's a good possibility for at least a couple months. I guess that could be a good thing, depending on how you look at it.

Anyway, thanks for any input you have on my current sitch. Heading to Chicago later to have another baby shower, this time with my in laws, who are not at all in support of his behavior and fully support me and the baby. So, I might not update or respond until I come home after the weekend.