Getting Back to my Old Self

[Dawn70]

I am not intentionally trying to speak for Dawn or KML, but yes, they are comfortable alone (I am too, just don't want toe alone for the rest of my life) but these are strong women who value themselves and I think they want to also be someone who doesn't just chose the easy and fun parts of an R, and understand that to get the fun person to go on cruises, have good dates, good sex, and to have their partners show consistency, there will be work and commitment to do so.

I don't mind you speaking for me on this one. I'm just fine alone. I was raised to be independent and to NOT rely on anyone else to take care of me or make me happy. And, it is a good thing I learned that lesson, because it just never seemed to be in God's plan for me to be with someone until I was a little older. Sure, I dated and had relationships prior to meeting my XH in my mid-30's but even when I was younger, I didn't know what it was like to have a boyfriend all the time, so I was very conditioned to being alone. I had a full life then with friends and family and I continue to have a full life post D. I'm not saying I don't miss companionship from time to time as I do, but I honestly have no idea if I'll ever get married again and I'm ok with the thought that I very well might not. I could live with that. I think I have a lot to offer a partner. Like Don said of himself, I am very confident in who I am and what I bring to the table and my self-esteem is not at all lacking. And, because of those things, I'm not willing to settle, so if my choice is being alone or settling, I'm going to choose alone every single time. Of course, right now, I have Sparky in the mix and I'm enjoying that but if it ended tomorrow, while I would be sad in the moment, I would eventually get back to a place of "it wasn't meant to be". I was so blessed when I was growing up to be raised by parents who taught me to value myself first and most and to not rely on others for my happiness. It is a good feeling.

Having said all that, I don't necessarily think it makes people who do seek relationships bad or anything. They just think differently than I do and as I say all the time, that is a true blessing, because I'm ok with myself, but Lord help us all if everyone was Dawn. YIKES!!!!!! I don't want to live in a world of Dawns. I want to live in a world that includes one Dawn (me) and lots of other opinions as well.

Dawn,

I also understand what you are saying and agree that his teachings are not for everyone.

I admit I got a little defensive when Don totally discounted what he teaches mainly because he doesn't have credentials and was divorced. We all no that's BS because there are plenty of people with credentials that don't know JS.

Coach was mainly trained under Tony Robbins who is probably the most world renown strategy teacher ever. So it's not like he is just making the $hit up. I combine what I learned from DB and him and other various sources and it is working really well for me right now.

Lastly is response to Don's comment to J9, the coach basically tells you not to be robotic in your responses. He just teaches fundamentals so you are prepared for every situation thrown at you.

I just offered up to Don what might have happened to his relationship with WG. Certainly only she knows.

LH,

I think that everyone has to do what works for them. If this "coach" person works for you and J9, more power to you. I'm not a man so I don't think from the same vantage point that you all do, so I have not looked this guy up nor listened to him. He may well be the greatest thing since sliced bread. I will say, FROM MY PERSPECTIVE, based on what you and J9 have said about him, he just seems arrogant to me, but that may be WAY off since I have not taken the time to actually listen. Again, that is just my perception of things I have read that you all have said. Maybe I misunderstood something J9 posted to Don but it seemed to me that he (J9) was saying that this coach advocated just ghosting someone if you weren't feeling it and that just seems immature and childish to me. Not saying that women don't do it, so don't think I'm dishing on men here. I think bad, immature, childish behavior absolutely goes both ways in the dating world.

While I understand your feeling defensive about what Don said (don't we ALL get defensive when someone talks against someone that we respect, like, listen to, whatever?), I also understand Don's point. I wouldn't want to take dating advice from some chick whose goal in life was to be a sugar baby. Don doesn't want to take dating advice from someone who seems to him as a player (sorry for putting words in your mouth, Don...feel free to tell me shut the h3ll up and not talk for you). It's like I say all the time to my friends and family, I want to take advice on specific subjects from someone who has walked a mile in my shoes. That is one reason I value this DB site. We have all been down a similar path, whether we got there the same way or not. I mean, I'm a fat girl, so if I want to go to a work-out class or watch a work-out video or whatever, I don't want some skinny little twig leading it who doesn't break a sweat or breathe heavy. I want a fat chick like me who can't even hardly talk because she can't catch her breath but she's giving it all she's got. THAT would inspire me to keep going, not the 95 pound chick who can run a marathon and still go out and party the night away with her friends. May be a bad analogy but hopefully you get my point...............we all have value in our viewpoints and we have said viewpoints based on our own experiences, reality, perception, etc. And, I end this hi-jacked message on Don's post to you, LH, by saying exactly what I said at the beginning of it, you have to do what works for you and if this person has things that work for you, rock on with it. We all have to take our sage advice from the person that is giving it to us in the form that best works for us.