update... WW informed me that she will be gone next weekend, and that i needed to be off at work as D14 will be by herself. i work nights. replied to her that i can’t make any changes to my schedule that easy in a short notice. she said she can ask one of her friends if they can take her, i told her no D14 doesn’t want to, didn’t tell WW that D14 feels embarrassed staying or going with our friends, she rather stay at home by herself. ours is a nice neighborhood and a home security alarm is in place. work is five minutes away.
WW didn’t like my reply. suddenly she’s concerned about D14, wherein she used to come home late when her A with POS was starting. then started ranting about she needs to know what my schedule is , blah, blah, blah. i told her the reason why i won’t give it to her is because at least she can text and ask D14 i she’s all alone by herself, that way D14 can see it feel that she’s still concerned about her. and then she started with, how will this co-parenting work if am not cooperating. suddenly am the selfish one. i replied and validated her feelings. i said am sorry she feels that am uncooperative, and explained to her how D14 sees this “co-parenting”. explained it to WW a little bit. Right now D14 only sees a “parent” and told WW that she knows and feels this too. “D14 doesn’t want anything to do with you and i’m saying this with no malice intended. am just throwing in suggestions on how you can connect with her, re asking her if she by herself, because as of now, she has built a wall around her that you alone will not break, hence the advice or suggestions am offering. you can take them with a grain of salt and ignore them, and keep on doing what you’re doing if you think it’s going to work.”
Then i added,” yes you are here when i work, but she doesn’t even know why you’re here.D14’s own words, she just showers and blow drys her hair here. she sees it that way because you don’t engage her. yes you do, but you give up easily. if she doesn’t talk then i won’t talk to her either. maybe we need to tone down our egos a little bit and understand why D14 is this way. let’s put emotions in the side and approach this with right logic and right reasoning.”
I suggested this to, “ try placing yourself in her shoes and see it in D14’s perspective. how do i want my mother to approach me to at least have little bit of convo.”
then i concluded with asking her if she wants to sit down one of this days and talk more on how to fix this R with WW and D14. hoping this didn’t look like pursuing.
