Unsure what's next, what to do.....

[Wanted1]

Hey buddy. I worry that I was a bit too direct with you yesterday. I only meant well, but I'm sorry if my actions didn't match my intentions.

Today is a new day. You can do this.

Not at all, burned. Not at all. No need to apologize because I know you mean well. I always appreciate your posts.


Thought I would share this tidbit I got from my DB coach yesterday with anyone reading my post. He explained detaching with love very, very well to me. He said to think of my W as my sister right now. You love your siblings, but in a different way than your S. When detaching with love you need to treat your W how you would treat your sister. He said when your sister has a bad day or is in a seemingly bad mood, that doesn't usually translate to your feelings and emotions becoming negative as well. Basically, your feelings shouldn't/can't mirror her feelings and emotions. Don't let your W's bad mood ruin your day. I thought this was a phenomenal way to look at how to detach with love. Helped me out big time. I realize that I can still interact with my W in a loving way but if she's having a bad day, I can't let that get me down. Continue to be positive and upbeat. I think before I was confusing detaching with love with more or less going dark. Two totally different techniques and mindsets.

A lot of the hour phone call was me explaining my sitch, so I think I'll get more out of the next phone call with him in a week or so, but I mentioned it sort of bothers me that my W isn't wearing her wedding ring. He asked if I was wearing mine, which I am. He told me to "play" with it a little bit. Randomly decide to not wear it a few days here and there just to see what happens. I'm going to try this. I kind of suspect nothing will come of it. My W, at this stage of her life, I think is too prideful (if that's the right word) to actually ask me why I'm not wearing it if she notices I'm not. I'm still going to give it a try though. He said if she does ask about it to not place blame with an answer like "Well, you aren't wearing yours so I figured I won't wear mine." Instead, say something like, "I've never been here before, so I don't really know what to do. I'm just trying different things to see how I feel about them."

He also said GAL is very important. More times than not when the LBS starts GAL, that is when you will see a positive turnaround. I'm working hard on GAL. Hard to do in a small town where there isn't much to do, but with it being in the midst of hunting season, I'm going to try to get out and do that quite a bit over the next few weeks. Also plan to take a trip to see a friend one of these upcoming weekends. I'm a little confused with GAL, though. Can you GAL around the house or is the theme of GAL more or less getting out of the house and doing things? I've been GAL around the house. After I'm done with getting kids to bed, etc. I do my own thing - watch football, basketball, my TV shows (that we used to watch together), reading the self-help books I've gotten over the past couple weeks, working out, etc. I'm not sure if that falls under the category of GAL or not.