So, today is another day. I am working from home (due to childcare, not hangover :)). I feel good today. Awake and fairly with it. Maybe because, apart from lift to station yesterday, I have not really seen H this week.
When I got home last night, my MIL, who was babysitting mentioned that H had said he didn't think I'd gone to work as had left my work laptop at home. He had come around to search for D8's PE kit and had noticed it on the kitchen table. Note: i was given a new laptop the day before and had not bothered to bring my old one back in. She mentioned he had also told her I had hired naked butlers for my birthday party. Naked butlers !!! Who does he think I am. She mentioned he scowled as he said it. I didn't - I hired a cocktail master and chief who were both fully clothed. I even showed him photos from the party the day after, and he never once mentioned that he thought they were supposed to be naked.
It is strange that they suddenly get curious about what you are up to after they've left. He is forever asking me questions "where are you going", "who are you going with". I am not particularly forthcoming and he doesn't push (as this would indicate interest). When I was late home last week he casually said "trouble with the trains" and I replied "nope - went out for a quick drink". He didn't say anything after that, what he could he say, we are not together anymore and how I spend my time is my business, but he did look away. I didn't mention the drink was coffee and that I drank it in a coffee shop by myself.
He then goes and tells his mum I am hiring naked men and playing truent from work.
I didn't write much about last night. I met up with colleagues, old and new, who have, over the last year, sat with me in meeting rooms and watched me cry, sat with me in pubs, and watched me cry, carried the slack when I couldn't focus or think. Last night was the first time in a long time that we have all been together and they all said how happy I looked. One guy said that I looked like the FS he first met (about a year before BD) just happier. Another said I was looking smoking hot and london better watch out once I get my mojo back. My H doesn't know any of them. He hated me going out with work mates (they're all men !!!) and thought that they all had a secret agenda. I use to say to him, it doesn't matter what they want, it only matters what I want. You either trust me or you don't. Though, despite my bravado I turned down invites for drinks and get togethers because I knew it would upset H. I stopped being true to myself because he didn't like it.
And then when he left one of his criticisms was I was too dependent on him.
