...we talked a bit about the “rules” of this new arrangement. We didn’t really come up with anything other than we are going to make some time to talk to each other once in awhile. He says he likes talking to me and always has. He just doesn’t like talking to me if he thinks I’m mad at him... he hates conflict...I said that is what got us into this mess and he agreed that it likely was. It feels like tonight was a step forward but also a step backward...not sure. Guess time will tell.
Your H sounds like he does't know what he wants. But, at least you can have honest(ish) conversations with him. Mine hides his head in the sand and pretends everything is fine. Just two people sitting across from one another discussing the weather. Yours sounds a little more mature in that he can have a conversation, accept responsibility and say sorry. Mine lacks the introspection to do that.
It is not one step forward one step back. It is definitely forward. Not sure where too, but I think, you have the strength to be OK irrespective.
Originally Posted by DejaVu6
I made myself feel a bit better when I got home by shoving all of his clothes into a corner of our closet and spreading all of mine out onto his side. It feels good... and yet another step closer to separation. I so so hate this.
When we first moved into this house, I converted the small bedroom next to ours into a dressing room for me so H had a big walk-in closet to himself. When he moved out, he took everything in the closet. It took him 2 weeks to properly move out. I would walk around at night finding things that reminded me of him and put it in the closet, and when I got home from work, he would have taken it. We never spoke about where the thing had been taken, or why I took it down in the first place. It was like the closet was made of Narnian wood. But after a while, the closet became a physical reminder of his absence. So I filled it. I put all my winter coats and dinner dresses in there. I put my dirty clothes hamper in there. I even redecorated the MBR. It took me a long time to come to that decision - what if he thought I didn't want him back and I was moving on. Yes, it did feel like one step closer to the end. Yes, I hated it too. Yes, I still hate going in there. But it had to be done. I can always move my clothes back if he comes home. There was a cupboard in the kitchen which was his too (protein shakes, power bars etc). That is now full of children colouring pens and books.
