I wasn't keen on H moving out either (7 months ago) for the same reasons as you. How could we work on our M if we weren't living together, it will make it harder for him to come back etc etc.
What I didn't realise, or refused to realise was that everything about me made him angry and just how toxic our home environment had become. The relationship wasn't violent, we never shouted or raised our voices. But we avoided each other. The silence (even to our young children) spoke volumes. They saw the angry looks he gave me. They say the sadness in my eyes. They would have seen him recoil at my touch, they would have noticed there were no more kisses as he dropped me off in the morning, no hugs when he came home at night.
And this is a relationship where there was no violence. I can only think the impact where violence exists.
Do what you feel is right. However, consider your children and the memories they will take with them as they move into adulthood.
There are advantages in having your own space. They cannot blame you for everything that goes wrong (you are not there to blame). If the garbage is not taken out, it is because they didn't do it. If something goes missing, it is not because you moved it. You are no longer the fall guy.
Also, make the changes for you. Start with controlling your emotions. Meditation works for me. If she notices or not should be secondary to your becoming a better man and and a better father.
