Unsure what's next, what to do.....

[burned]

We both posted at the exact same time so please go back and read the previous one.

So her blaming ME for controlling and manipulating HER throughout our M is basically more on her and less on me then right? That's kind of the conclusion I came to since my intention has NEVER been to control or manipulate her....I'm obviously not going to say that to her and I've been validating her feelings on the subject. Hopefully, if I'm understanding you correctly, either my IC or her IC in our next joint session can address that with her. If she's allowing herself to be controlled or manipulated by my thoughts and feelings, that really isn't something that I should be blamed for...

Here's where it gets dicey. You're being too logical. You're trying to make sense of the words that people use to explain feelings. AND, you're doing it under the worst possible conditions. Because the feelings don't line up with reality. And the words are being used for a purpose that is more than just explaining feelings. It's completely jacked up.

Nothing is more on her and less on you. It's 50/50 in any relationship. But now she is trying to take your 50% and put it right up close so that it LOOKS bigger than your 50%. Like how a guy standing off in the distance looks really small compared to the guy standing next to you.

So don't let her, at least not in your heart. Own your side of it, but don't let her exaggerations force you to take more of the blame than you deserve. At this point she is actively trying to make you look bad and feel bad to suit her present needs.

Do NOT expect logic. In fact, use your logic skills to determine at least two explanations that make less sense. And those are the ones that are more likely to be true.

Edit: great opportunity to "grok" an aspect of what detachment is. It's when you take that entire paragraph of what she said during MC or joint counseling or whatever it was...and not let it bother you at all. It shouldn't affect your understanding of reality. It shouldn't make you angry or sad or anything. R2C will jump in and translate for you: "Blah blah blah blah blah."