Unsure what's next, what to do.....

[Wanted1]

I love that you realize you can't change the past. The problem is that you spend most of this paragraph concerned about something you can't control. Her and her thoughts. So forget that. Double-down on controlling yourself. Worrying about what she thinks and feels is a cheeseless tunnel. Don't spend energy on that. Allowing someone to control you is on YOU. Because again you can't control the other person. Ironically, we sometimes forget that they can't control us....unless we allow it. So don't.

Stop obsessing about how to fix her....fix yourself.

So her blaming ME for controlling and manipulating HER throughout our M is basically more on her and less on me then right? That's kind of the conclusion I came to since my intention has NEVER been to control or manipulate her....I'm obviously not going to say that to her and I've been validating her feelings on the subject. Hopefully, if I'm understanding you correctly, either my IC or her IC in our next joint session can address that with her. If she's allowing herself to be controlled or manipulated by my thoughts and feelings, that really isn't something that I should be blamed for...


Regarding the rest of your post.... Maybe I misinterpreted what I mean or very possibly misunderstood the DBing techniques. So, are you saying that I'm not really ignoring the DBing techniques if I instigate conversations with her about things other than our R and M? For example, asking how her meeting went and actually being interested in how it went, etc. Or, saying 'Good Night' to her. Or, complimenting her on an outfit, her hair or anything else?