Unsure what's next, what to do.....

[burned]

What she threw out in the joint session really hit home with me. I think she over exaggerated A LOT of what she infers by my inactions, actions and words to her. Basically everything I do or say she takes the exact opposite of what I meant or intended which was so bizarre. The whole premises of what she said throughout the entire session was essentially that I controlled or manipulated her feelings throughout the entire R, she wasn't allowed to be 'herself' and I didn't support anything she does, etc. Something that was a complete surprise to me. I had no clue that was the case or that's how she felt. I tend to think a lot of it was a rewriting of our history but at the same time I understand how she could have felt that way and it makes sense looking back on it, just not to the extreme amounts she tried to portray.

Bro, this is STANDARD STUFF and it's the reason I think MC is garbage right now. In my case WW used it to make me look bad, make me feel bad, justify her actions, make everyone else think we "tried"... should I go on? Steve was there watching me circle the drain. Not sure if the worst part was before I joined this board but it was BAD. And stupid me, thinking "Oh let's talk about feelings and OM and see if we can't work something out." To use Amoafwl's terminology, bullhockey. "Let's see if MC can help me decide if I want to recommit to the M." Bullhockey WW tactics. Don't take the bait.

She made her decision before you ever even knew she was MAKING one. MC won't change that. The best advice I got was from Steve here and we discussed the pros and cons of just ditching it. I should have ditched it. Hindsight, by the time I got to the board she had already gone back to OM so nothing I did would probably have made a difference at that point.

I've heard so many posters here say "I ignored her, so I should 180 on that, but DBing says I need to detach". This show a blatant lack of understanding of detachment. NO WHERE ANYWHERE IN THE BOOKS OR ON THIS SITE DOES IT SAY THAT DETACHMENT MEANS IGNORING!!!! Sorry, but having to repeat that over and over again get frustrating.

Two things here:

1. Steve is right.
2. Steve is right.
3. Steve is right, and others will also tell you, every time, that the rules have changed. No, the entire game has changed. In my case, BD happened because I was "checked out." So I pursued and pressured to prove that I was all in again. And that got me nowhere. The old game is over. You're not counting touchdowns anymore. You're playing tennis now, so you have to win at least 4 points at least 6 times at least twice to win the match. And that's if the other player is phoning it in. Which the WW is not.
4. Steve is right because he has taken all of the crazy huge amounts of information all over thee boards and distilled it down to like 3 or 4 things you just do it, do it, do it, don't question it, and save yourself MONTHS of pain. Go back to my posts from August and see what happens when you don't listen to Steve.

OK, that was 4 things. But I think you needed a 2x4 early in the game because you have SO much more potential at this point before you start doing things to make it worse.

That being said, you did point out something crucial. Write down everything she said, once you're done being ticked off about how she exaggerated it. THOSE are the things you need to 180 on, at some point. But not to show her how "all in" you are. That will backfire.

since she really hasn't given me a BD yet, I'm not sure if DBing is effective, at this stage of my situation, since my W hasn't told me point blank 'I want out.'

Don't wait for her to say it. It'll hurt when you hear it. And if you're here it's because she already DID something to BD you. And what percentage of what she says are we supposed to believe? ZERO.

DBing would have been effective A YEAR AGO or more. It's definitely effective YESTERDAY and if you're not doing it TODAY you're wasting precious time.

You're using terms like "overanalyze" and "wishful thinking" and "logically" and "reaching out." Man, you and I are going to be very good friends, so get ready. And I mean that with as much compassion as I can convey across the interwebs.