H"This is not working for me either. Share with me your plan IN WRITING on how we solve this. I will review it and get back to you when I have made a decision"
Working on this, part more since last night.
Originally Posted by RyanHun
I don't see how nesting could possibly work in our situation
Ask wife to draw out her plan and email it to you for your review.,
This is exactly what I did this morning when she phoned. I simply stated the 1) I was at work and didn't have time to discuss. 2) I didn't feel it was something we should discuss over the pone and requested she outline what her plan was over email and we could discuss in person once that was done.
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based on how W is when it comes to housework
Time for her to put on her big girl pants.
100% Agree. Time for her to get her act together and act like an adult
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and finances, we can't afford a second place,
Ask her to draw up a budget so you can see how she thinks this will look financially.
Budget was also included in this mornings email request. I outlined all household expenses and divided 50/50 for now and requested she add anything that she needed and get back to me.
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But it seems she doesn't want to hear any of this or actually do some research on any of the above situations.
Perfect. Do not do any work toward this. Let her do the work.
This is exactly my plan. I am looking into things for my benefit and to be prepared but am not providing her with any advice or guidance in how best to proceed.
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Everything currently is just made off of knee jerk reactions without looking at the big picture or the inner workings of any of the options in front of us.
Always respond with "I will review this. I will let you know what I have decided.
Thanks for this great tip on how to respond.
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Currently we have been living in the same house, in separate bed rooms
Are you sleeping in the nicest room?
I am sleeping where I want and am comfortable with that.
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raising the kids and things were going well so
The truth? Your opinion?
This is 100% about me. Things were working well for me and things were well for the kids.
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I'm not sure why the sudden urgency to start proceeding in the first place.
I would bet OP.
Originally Posted by RyanHun
This morning she called
Why did you answer?
It was right around the time the kids were heading out to school so i assumed it was something along those lines. In hind sight i should have just politely ended the call.
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and wants to discuss living arrangements
Why did you continue?
I didn't, as mentined above I suggested we talk in person at a later date when things are more clearly laid out for review.
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and expenses moving forward.
"I am busy. We can talk later"
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First off financially it would be hard.
Logic does not work. Divorce is financially devastating for all involved.
Especially living in one of the most expensive cities in the world.
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Second we would essentially be living out of a suitcase for the foreseeable future.
Her choice let her feel how this skucs.
I keep mentioning this but then she refuses. I have very politely suggested that for at least a brief period she take all the space she needs and if that includes living separate that it is fine with me.
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Then there are all the other issues, she is a very messy person so now I would have two places to try and keep clean myself.
180 Do not clean up her mess. Set a boundary. Enforce the boundary. Do this with the kids as well. "Anything I have to pickup on trash day is doing into the trash." is the mindset.
This was also discussed in my email this morning. My boundaries and what is expected surrounding housework, childcare, event scheduling etc.
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She is terrible with money management
Her problem. Separate as much as possible.
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What do we do about groceries and food etc.
Aks her for her plan
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This seems like a bad way to live
It is.
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and I'm not so sure it really would be better for the kids.
None of this is good for the kids. Wife is in selfish mode. You are the one standing up for the family.
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I am wondering if any of you guys have first hand experience with this kind of living arrangement and what everyone's thoughts are?
