IMHO, the two of you need to heal as individuals before you can heal as a couple. There appears to be a lot of counseling. No wonder you can't clear your head! When a person has various sources of counseling, it's bound to lead to confusion at some point. Know what I mean? One counselor is going to advise you to do one thing, the other counselor will advise you differently, and you come to the board and may hear yet another avenue of advice...…..so, a person can have too much.

Listen, I know you desperately want to resume your life with your W. I'm not saying it will never happen. I'm saying that she needs to heal as an individual, and to do it apart from you and the MR. Otherwise, it's all enmeshed together and she will continue to see you & the MR as her problem.

I'm going to say this once more, and then I'm through b/c you are going to butt with your own head. Stay away from her, and stop communicating except when it directly concerns the child. Give her space, whether or not she asks for it. Give her freedom and time to deal with whatever issues she has that is not connected to you/MR. Once she heals, then the two of you can go to MC for guidance through piecing.

Having a date night once a week, and having a "sleepover" weekly is not giving her space. Having lunch dates is not giving her space. Responding to texts that are not regarding the child, is not giving her space. Her texts are mostly about "her", not the child. In the past, you would attempt pulling away, but you have NGS and couldn't resist. Tell her you are setting her free. Tell her not to contact you unless it is regarding the child. Then start healing and growing as an individual, and I suggest you not become involved with another lady, due to your own vulnerability. If you decide you don't want to rebuild a MR with your W, then get a D before you begin dating. As long as you see yourself giving her time and space to heal, and as long as you are hoping the MR can resume...….then don't proceed with a D, and don't engage in dating.

These are tough decisions, but I believe it is the only way the M has hope for the future.

You seriously need to learn how to address your NGS.

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!