Getting Back to my Old Self

[DonH]

DH - Your dating coach would say that when she reaches out to make a date and if she gives you some lame excuse or says she is busy then just tell her once she figures out her schedule to give you a call.

Okay, so first off, he's not my dating coach and I would still strongly caution you against following some to much of his "advice" I've just softened a bit on him and concede he makes some good points. But, as I said, yes, that's exactly what he'd say to do - which is what I thought of. But, you know what, I don't want to ask her out! I just don't feel like it. She's kinda killing some of my attraction to her. I also don't want to meet up with her, not have fun, and then one or both of us will have to dread being together for 10 days. No, I don't think that will happen, but I also don't have the urge to plan a fun date or meet up with her - I just don't. I think I need some time now.

DH - If/when she contacts you again ask her out again and if she makes the same lame excuse then tell her the same thing then never bring up getting together ever again... If you don't like that then never contact her again

See, Joseph this is exactly why I'm fearful for you and how you are being robotic and trying to follow some rules or script. It's like in medicine, we have protocols, but you still have to use critical thinking because not all patients follow the rule book or fit the protocol. Yes, this coach dude would say do this but, hello, in my case I can't "never bring up getting together ever again" as we are going on a 10 day vacation together in three months! So the "protocol" or "playbook" does not apply - which is the case much of the time. This is why you have to learn to embrace these concepts but still apply them uniquely to each person and each set of circumstances.

and if she reaches out to you don't respond (you can ghost her).

OMG now this ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ No, NO, NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! This is why ghosting has become the epidemic it has. I swear, I see all of these anti-bulling campaigns, I want to start and anti-ghosting campaign. It's become so common, it's happened to us, so now we not only do it ourselves but we start to suggest others ghost people as well. No, just stop that. It's not right and just because it was done to us does not make it any less wrong. Do not ghost people even if it is becoming commonplace. Be a man. Be an adult. If I need to end things with Wild Girl or anyone, I am going to be a man, tell them to their face preferably or at least on the telephone, and not just stop responding or ghost someone. I strongly encourage you to do the same. Don't Ghost!!!!!!!!!!!! And don't suggest others ghost!!!!!!!!

Or you can just call her on the phone and ask her all of these questions. I personally like the coaches recommendation as you never want to burn a bridge or back baby in a corner

Yes, now I agree - one way or another, however this ends, I will do it as an adult, up front and with class. That's who I am. I also agree just in life in general there is rarely a good reason to burn a bridge. Not sure what back baby in a corner totally means but making her look bad, etc. If I had to guess, and it's just purely a guess, we'll end up going and likely have a very good time together. After that, one of two things will happen although the end result will be the same. After 10 days together, just like after 2 days together this summer, (unless we don't have fun and lots of sex) we'll again be rather connected and on the post vacation high. I'm sure I'll be hearing from her a lot and she'll be very interested again. Or, we'll just both pretty much go our ways, perhaps still get together now and then but that's about it. I'm betting both will happen, we'll have a post high couple weeks or month but then that will kinda be it other than I'll have another FWB to go to if I need a date for something or want to go to a concert or ballgame or whatever. I'm invited to a wedding in Nashville and my niece is getting married after that, maybe I'll take her if I'm not dating someone else. But that's likely what it will be. But, that's where this all started, isn't it? Read my first comments back in June and tell me if that's not pretty much exactly what I predicted back then.

Jospeh, I think you are down deep a pretty good guy. I just think you're not sure what to do and you've read and watched so much about all of this that you're trying to apply it by like step by step and I think you've thrown out all critical thinking. I think that if someone is getting cold or distant, backing off may build attraction. For certain chasing them will not. But when you've been on one date, had fun, and then don't talk to the girl for a week or more - that DOES NOT build attraction. All that does is build confusion. That's one example of where I think you are just not applying things correctly. Life is not black and white, follow the numbers, connect the dots. There is both art and science to so many things in life. I think you are focusing on the science and starting to understand it but you just don't have the art part down. It's like two musicians reading and playing the same piece of sheet music. Both can play the notes correctly, but one has the artistic ability to bring the music to life, play from the heart, really make it sound great while the other plays the notes. Hope this is making sense. You can't always "see A therefore do B" It's not the simple! At some point you have to meld the science with your art and BE YOURSELF!