He's mad/I'm withdrawing--38 year marriage ruined

[ovrrnbw]

Counselors can range the spectrum in terms of their ideas of how to "fix" things and what they will recommend. Instead of showing fear of separation you can make your chance to show your strength. Tell your H if he wants to keep the EA then yes, you'll kick his butt to the curb and that will be that.

States that he sometimes wants to work on the marriage, sometimes not.

Validate this. I sometimes feel like I want to work on my M, and sometimes I don't feel that way. That's normal, that's human beings for you.

My therapist felt that MC works best when both are "all in"

That's not exactly groundbreaking. I'd let her know that you understand the obvious aspects of marriage - you've been married 38 years, but anyone could come up with that wonderful quote.

Disagrees with the statement that the "friendship" needs to be dropped BEFORE working on the marriage.

So it's up to you to set your boundaries.