Good for you Yorkie!! I know this is tough but the one thing we (I'm a child & youth therapist) tell people over and over again who are depressed... do FIRST, feel SECOND. In other words, if you wait until you feel better before you do something, you may never get going. So...keep forcing yourself to get up and go and you will notice, over time, that it gets much easier and you will find there are increasingly longer periods of time when you are not thinking about your H or about your sadness and fear. Those times are just as real and valid as the times you are wallowing. It will be a sign that you are starting to heal and that is a good thing!!
Last night I knew my H was home with the kids and I could have come home earlier to ensure that we saw each other but I didn't. The truth is that I was enjoying myself with my friends and honestly, I appreciated not thinking about him. I think it has been a bit easier for me because my H has been physically absent (pretty much) from our home since around March so I'm used to him not being there. I think the fact that he has described our "separation" as "temporary" also gives me a bit of hope but it has also crossed my mind that this might be his way of getting everyone used to the idea. If there is one thing I know about him it is that he HATES any kind of confrontation so he will do almost anything to avoid it. Part of why they tell us to not believe what they say and only half of what they do.
Stay busy!! I love the household improvement idea and learning how to DIY. I wouldn't sell yourself short though. You never know what you can do until you try. And there are a lot of YouTube step-by-step videos out there to help you along your way. Good luck with it all!!! Sending you lots of (((HUGS))). You are not alone Yorkie! There are many, many people her rooting for you.
