Thanks Ready2Change and Steve85 for your feedback.
Steve85, you’re right about needing to stop my fear of D. It shouldn’t change anything, and I realized he is using the threat of it to control me. In fact, he’s been acting like he doesn’t care the last few days but I realized he is doing things to temp check me and ensure he still has control. He had the kids yesterday and knew I was going out. In the afternoon he text me and said he locked his car keys in his truck and needed to get the spare from my house. When he was here I could see him peeking in rooms and checking to see if anything changed or if there were signs of a man or someone coming over later. He even asked me questions about my plans but then acted like he didn’t care. I didn’t try to make him jealous but I told him I was going out with girlfriends, which alleviated his fears.
I realized afterwards that yeah I’m GAL and trying to do a 180, but when he asks I tell him about what I’m doing and I shouldn’t. That should remain unknown to him. And I have been DB’ing with the hopes of him changing. I need to do all this for myself. I’ve made a commitment to myself today that my detaching, 180, and GAL is about me and for me. It doesn’t matter what he thinks or how he reacts.
And you’re right about fear, Steve85. My coach tells me that worrying and fearing about things can make it worse and often even make them come true. Positive mindset moving forward.
