It sounds like she met with a lawyer, but may not have pulled the trigger on the divorce yet. Maybe you should talk to her about it. If she has, you should consult with a lawyer and understand your rights.
If you have not apologized for your past behavior, I suggest you do so. Not a snivelling, grovelling apology, but a sincere one. But don't keep apologizing over and over.
Get individual counselling. Try to get her to go to individual and couples' counselling. You both sound like you need it, and need to learn new ways to settle disagreements.
Don't worry about what you did in the past. You can't change it. Change what you do going forward. It may take a long time before you see any result. I would say, really, all changes have to be for you, not her. If you are changing for her, not only will the changes not last, but she'll sense the insincerity.
You did not do anything recently to warrant her filing. It is a recurrent theme that the spouse leaving makes the decision, is content and happy with the decision, and looks about how to implement it. In those weeks/months, the Left Behind Spouse (LBS) thinks "we aren't fighting any more! Our relationship is improving!" When in reality, the Walk Away Spouse (WAS/WAH/WAW) just doesn't care enough to fight any more.
This has been coming a long time, and it will take a long time to convince her she really doesn't want to divorce. Time is your friend. It gives you an opportunity to change yourself, and her an opportunity to see the changes, and reconsider.
Depending on your situation, Get A Life (GAL). This takes a lot of pressure off her.
Don't pursue her. She needs space.
Add a signature block so people will know your general situation at a glance without having to go back 6 pages.
The more you participate on other's pages, the wiser you will be, and the more people will participate on yours.
One last thought; your marriage may be irretrievably lost. Many of us come here hoping to salvage our marriages, but find that the real value of this site is in saving ourselves.
Oh, yeah, protect your kids as much as you can. This is going to $uck for them. Make it $uck as little as you can.
Good luck.
M:23 T:26 Me:53, Wife: 60 S:18 D:16 filed 7/16 W moved out 4/28/17
