Hi, I am new to the site and in need of help as my plight is looking pretty desperate.
I have been married for 16 years now and a few months ago my wife announced she wanted a D.
To be fair I should have known it was coming as we had both been unhappy for a few years and she said one day she will D me. But I ignored this so you could say it's my own fault.
When she told me this I made changes and all seemed good for 2 months or so, we had a great family holiday too, I have two kids of 11 and 8.
Anyway, the reason we got in this state was because we both have fought for years. Our arguments were always really heated and most times one or both of us would say terrible things to each other.
I am not proud of the way I treated her at all, sometimes I have been appalled at the things I have said to her. Whilst she was sometimes violent and toxic with me I should have learnt to manage my aggression and my mouth. But the problem was always that I hate conflict and when we fought I would always try and talk things through when I should have learnt just to shut up and give her time.
Anyway two weeks ago she caused arguments as she was stressed at work and took it out on me. I never argued back as for these two months I had decided I had to change. Anyway she then said she wanted a divorce. I was horrified as I did not think I had done anything to warrant it this time. Stupidly I grabbed her in some stupid desperate attempt to sort the problem out. Unfortunately both kids saw the incident. This happened on the 30th September and she filed for divorce 2 days later. Although I still have not been served with the papers but I know she has done it as she paid with a credit card.
I moved out during this time and for a week or so I did all the pleading and arguing, stuff I know is wrong. I know this now. Anyway the two weeks separation has just made things worse. I therefore have decided to move back into the house tomorrow. She is so annoyed and said she doesn't want me there. Says she doesn't love me and there is no way back. But I don't want to D so feel I need to be back at the house and fight for the marriage.
But she won't have anything to do with me and won't do anything with all four of us. She even is planning to go out on Saturday as she can't bear to be under the same roof as me.
I have ordered the DB and DR books and will do the DBing technique but I am worried I can't come back from this regardless. My only hope is to stick to DBing and hope she drops the D at some point. But I am not confident. I would do anything to sort this out.
