I didn't realise how hard my first birthday alone was going to be. We have a birthday tradition, where my H and the kids bring me breakfast in bed. We all then sit on the bed and open my presents together. Earlier this evening D8 asked me not to wake up first. Daddy had told them to carry on with the tradition. My kids aren't great at getting up on their own, and as it's a school day I was worried about running late so I said "how about I wake you up and then I'll get back into bed and you can bring me breakfast". D8 said no, that I am supposed to stay in bed, and stupidly, before I could stop myself I said "But honey, Daddy's not going to be here this year to wake you".
D8 looked at me with her big eyes, and D12 looked down. Another reminder of the damage that's been done.
So, in the morning I will put on a happy face for the kids. Tell them how proud of them I am for making me breakfast on their own. I will open my presents (which H bought partly because he feels guilty, and mostly because he knows it would hurt the kids if they didn't have anything to give me), give them great big hugs and say "I love them". I will not be disappointed when H doesn't text or call wish me a happy birthday.
I know the rules say don't text unless its to do with the kids but I think I will text him at some point to say thank you for the presents, because that is what I would do if a work colleague or casual acquaintance did something nice for me.
