MLC or WAW?

[EZdozit]

Yesterday evening S inadvertently caused me to break a DB rule and it sucked me down a rabbit hole. After picking him up from school and going to gym, went home for dinner. Afterwards I let S have a bit of downtime while I finished up folding laundry upstairs. I got done and went to check on S where I see he had found a memory book of all the trips W & I went on our 1st 7 years together prior to him being born and was flipping through the pages. I asked S where he found that as I had no idea it was in house. S tells me a place I would’ve never thought and then says he wanted to look at the book to “remember the good times.”

S then asked if it could be his bedtime book. I got caught up in my S’s disappointment and agreed. Got him ready for bed and then flipped through book telling him our tales of various trips to CA, FL, Europe, Caribbean, etc.
I thought I could do this while maintaining myself into the now but quickly got smacked in the face with emotions.

I kept a stoic front with S until he went to sleep, but when I left room I was caught up in my own thoughts. Tried tempering these by occupying myself with a home project....just didn’t work. I had already had one of my worst days yesterday with my doctor appointment, but that put a huge cap on what I can chalk up as worst since BD.

I figured I’d start fresh today, but there was been a carryover. Just hope that this is temporary and I go straight through this pain and re-up my focus DB’ing.

GAL activities today include 7 mile run, divorcecare group meeting, freshen up my resume.

Hope to avoid these moments going further, but know I need to be the best father first and foremost and be available to S’s needs and emotional state as it’s hitting him very hard.

I think when I get son next I will tell him that we will start on making our own memory book for just him and I that details our adventures together. Will start with our trip to San Diego from last May...