Getting Back to my Old Self

[DonH]

Many people, hell many of us, tend to find, seek out or at least connect with the same type of people over and over again. That's been written in the literature often.

Focus your lengthy story again certainly is indicative of addiction and the behavior addicts exhibit. Like much of all of this however it says far more about him than it does about you. Honestly, while it felt terrible to you and felt like he was doing it TO YOU, he really was just doing what addicts do. I don't excuse his behavior but I would no more take it personally for what he did than take it personally if he had epilepsy and had a seizure with you in public. I know it's hard to understand but it's just part of the disease process. It's why many say that addiction that the person refuses to get help and treatment for is an actual deal breaker for ending a marriage - much like abuse, etc. It's a terrible disease - but many of them are - cancer, heart disease, diabetes, mental illness - and yes, addiction is a disease too!

Wild Girl put a post on FB that confirmed what I was pretty sure I already knew - that she had a "date" with someone Saturday. I'm positive she would never call it a date - she was just "hanging out with a friend" - is I'm sure what she would say or would/will tell me. Here's the strange thing, her post was much like the ones she made when with me - mentioned what she did with a non descript photo and said what a great weekend she had. However, the larger part of the post showed pictures with her cousin's family and related to Sunday and Monday. But here's the really weird thing - she deleted the post by the time I went back to re-look now so I could accurately describe it to you guys. I really don't think I dreamed it - in fact I know I didn't. Yet it's gone - why? Perhaps she was drunk or drinking when it went up - it was late Monday after our Brewers and Packers both won. Or... I really wonder if she didn't get to work this morning, where the girls all gossip about their weekend and her good friends, who all know of me well, including our future cruise plans suggested, "Hey WG, do you really want a post out there like that?" or after they pried her weekend out of her the question "What about Don" came up. Who knows, I can only speculate, but it's down within 12 hours of going up. Interesting.

So, OLD girl responded right away after I said "no worries we'll just meet up next week" and that we'll touch base later in the week or this weekend. Within half an hour I had an enthusiastic response so she may not be trying to fade away just yet. Time will tell.

I just need to detach, step back, stop thinking and deal with whatever happens. This really is not me - how did I get so sucked in? I swear the only major difference between WG and nearly everyone else I've dated in the last 5 years maybe 10 is, well two things, the much, much better than typical sex and the much less pursuit and much greater independence on her part. I can't say for sure that either of those are the reason - something certainly has knocked me off my typical path and I really don't like it - not one bit. PTSD from the past perhaps? Seeing how so many here have the same things happen over and over and over again? Who knows, but just about every part of this has not been typical of or for me in many, many years and in all sorts of respects. Glad I can at least vent about it here as I'll bet I'd have worn my in person friends out by now. LOL