Posted somewhere by Steve (paraphrased):

too much hope: DBing for her
very little hope: DBing for you
no hope: filing

Posted somewhere by AnotherStander (paraphrased):

First we start DBing to get a response from her. Then we start DBing for us but we keep looking over our shoulder to see if it is affecting her. Then we finally get to DBing for ourselves without thinking about how it affects her. The sooner you get to that 3rd kind of DBing, the better.

Steve again: Let her go to get her back.

H: 35 W: 33
M: 11 T: 13

4/10/18: I discovered A and confronted ("BD1")
6/23/18: I moved out
8/31/18: MC ends ("BD2")