Hi Banjohe, You’re situation reminded me a bit of my own, like you I am a person who does not like conflict and retreats, which pisses my husband off even more. But I do agree with what Steve85 said, it is hogwash, to be blamed for wanting to retreat from someone who is approaching you in a way that makes you feel like you are being attacked. My H has a tone of voice that just makes me tense. He is also a lawyer and debates and negotiates for a living so when we do discuss things I usually lose or just feel so disrespecte i walk away.
I would try to bring this up in MC, and I would not blame yourself for his unhappiness or his EA. People have struggles in theyre marriage but it is unfair for him to blame you completely and not take a look inside himself. But he can only come to that conclusion on his own. The fact that he want to go to MC is positive. My H dropped the Dbomb on me a few months ago, then after a month said he was open to going to MC but cant promise me anything, then two days later was making plans for us to go on a ski trip with our son this winter. It has been confusing for me, and hurtful and hard. I think my H is going through a MLC as well. He turned 50 this yr, his DAD who was Superman in his eyes is dying from cancer and our son got expelled from 2 schools last year and then tried to take his life. Our son is in boarding school and we are now premature empty nesters. I was a stay at home mom, so I feel like i am having an identity crisis. This would rock anyone to theyre core but our marriage def has suffered because of all the stress. Plus my H hates his job, feels trapped etc.
Force youreself to reconnect with friends, get off the computer, get outside, put on good music and take a walk, or run. I’m taking a Spanish class and volunteering at a school to teach kids how to read. Give youre H a lot of space and stay positive, but lay down a boundary if need be...like if he is still involved in an EA. I look forward to hearing how it all goes for you. I started praying everyday as well, i havent been to church except on holidays but I feel like God is answering my prayers in very small ways but they give me hope.
