Unsure what's next, what to do.....

[burned]

"I understand how it came off that way...." or "I understand how it could feel that way but those were not my intentions at all."

The word "YOU" needs to be in there twice as much, no? Wondering what other people think. But saying, "I understand why YOU felt that way" puts the focus on her, not just "I" or "it" which is just like saying "I" without saying it.

Plus, beware of the word "but." That negates everything you said before the "but." Translation: "I understand how it could feel that way" (great! he gets it!) "but those were not my intentions at all." (bummer, it's still about HIM and not me, and he thinks his intentions justify how MY feelings changed). And remember that her perception/feelings is her reality. So when you say "but" you're saying she's wrong. Backfires.

As for seeing no point in working it out, my experience was that MC didn't change that. It gave her more opportunities to see me not really changing very quickly, and flailing and trying to adapt the changes based on her responses. It was obvious to a child that I was just trying to "win her back." It gave her the right to say "we tried." And it gave me false hope, like I said.

Do the kind of 180 that makes your stomach churn. Show her that you're a man who values himself enough to take a stand for what HE wants. "I'm sorry, W, I can't participate in joint therapy or MC at this time. The opinion from psychologists and counseling professionals is that MC doesn't work unless both parties are invested in R. I would be happy to try this again if or when you're ready to make that kind of commitment."

Or let her drag you around and make it worse.