Journey Continues #2

[SteveLW]

ballast, again, I have to agree in general. My W on BD said the following types of things:

1) You are mean and controlling.
2) You are never here and isolated when you are.
3) You should never have got married, you are too selfish and independent.

Yet after BD she was not open to me being nice and letting to of control. The last thing she wanted was for me to be there and be present. And even when I tried to show her how much I wanted to put her first, and needed her she didn't want to believe it.

It was as if she didn't want remediation for 1, 2, and 3 (after all, wouldn't she have said this all to me much earlier than she did?), as much as she wanted to use 1, 2, and 3 as an excuse for what she had already decided.

Here are my needs, but I don't want you to meet them, I want to dump you and find someone else to see if they can satisfy them.

Now granted, by time they get fed up and either get an OM, or move on from the MR, etc it is generally too late to 180 on the complaints in order to fix things. That is why GAL and detachment are so important along with the 180s, but still it seems as if the modern woman wants a guy that, as you pointed out, reads minds and that she should never have to verbalize her needs.....until it is too late.

ballast, and I think this is why DBing is about a 50/50 proposition in saving the MR. Even if the LBS does everything right, the chance of saving the marriage is 50% at best.