Journey Continues #2

[SteveLW]

Interesting topic. I agree with Grace and the experts that say that women need to continue to be courted. But I also agree with the what you are implying that this is a relatively new phenomenon. And I think I know where it is rooted.

Baby boomers and older met, fell in love with and married each other. And you stayed together through thick and thin. Marriage vows, deeply rooted in Biblical teachings, were taken seriously. The fact that you spoke these vows in front of God, spouse and family were binding. So when things got rough, the majority of couples toughed it out. Because those vows meant something to both people.

Nowadays, it appears that people take the vows from a very selfish place. "I vow these things as long as I am happy and my every need is fulfilled!" Vows with selfish caveats. I believe through the 50s the D rate was around 25% in the 50s. In the 60s, with the sexual revolution it jumped to over 30%. Then with the feminist movement taking root, by the 70s and 80s it exploded to where we now are around a 50% D rate.

I was thinking about my sitch this past week. I commented to one of our female posters, that was trying to hold onto her H for dear life despite his repeated affairs and just a complete lack of trying in their MR, that I wish my W was that committed. When I am giving 100% in my MR she is committed to it. But once I start to let my guard down is when she is ripe for an OM to swoop in.

Now, my stopping trying isn't good. But is it really justification for an affair? Look at the vows most of us make: "I, ___, take thee, ___, to be my wedded husband/wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I pledge thee my faith [or] pledge myself to you."

I compare my mom's generation with my W's and there is a distinct difference in the attitude towards commitment and marriage. Factor in that most D (I think near 80% according to MWD, but I am going by memory here) are initiated by women. I think we start to see it. My dad would come home after a long day at work. Barely say anything to my mom or us. He was quiet through dinner. Then after dinner he'd go immerse himself in his hobbies, or the evening news, etc. And my mom never even contemplated D. I don't know what their sex life was like, and I am not asking. It probably wasn't great, but there is such a big difference between Ws not being into sex due to inattention by their Hs, and being ready to bolt the MR for an OM.

Also factor in all of the ways we have to communicate today, between smartphones, and social media, the internet, etc. And the problem is just exacerbated.

ballast, I too have asked myself if I have it in me to be the doting, attentive H that my W so seems to need. And maybe there are Hs out there that are just naturally like that. IDK. But it seems that the needier the W, the more jumping from relationship to relationship she engages in. Yes, it is always dangerous to stop meeting your W's needs. And I was guilty of this for years, and then was angry and bitter because my sexual needs were not being met. Please understand, i am not giving bad Hs, of which I was one, a pass here. But there has to be a better answer than leaving the MR, D, cheating, etc.