Gosh Don, so much of what you write in your past totally resonates with me (from the other side of it all).
The thing you wrote about your EX being in hospital and not visiting her...I had a similar experience. I had hurt my back quite badly (because of the stress of everything happening in my M). I had been told by the doctor I wasn't going to be able to work for 3 months, that I should be lifting anything heavier than my handbag in that period. I wasn't going to be 'better' for 6 months. I had super strong painkillers, lots of one on one physio sessions and then group physio for people with back pain/injuries (someone in my group had had the same thing as me and had been in hospital on a morphine drip). It still suffer from the pain of it 4 years on.
Right at the start of all of this, maybe just a few weeks in, XH was finishing a job. They all have a leaving party. I decide to go along as well, to be a part of it (it's an organised party, not a spur of the moment one). I've not 'slept' for more than a couple of hours a night since the start of it all - and I've not been able to 'sleep' in a bed at all, I've had to sit, immobile in a chair. I'm very, very sleep deprived and in constant pain. The pain killers I was given didn't touch the pain at all. But I go along, have as nice a time as I possibly could, and genuinely enjoy chatting to people. But they can all tell I'm very, very unwell. After a couple of hours, about 11.00pm, I suggest to XH we leave. We have to leave together as we only have one key to the place where we are staying. I give him 30 odd minutes to go round everyone and say goodbye. Then I go to look for him. Can't find him. Try to call, no answer. Two hours later, when I'm out of my mind in pain and exhaustion and really unable to speak to anyone at all by that point, he turns up. He's been taking drugs in one of the rooms. I'm just relieved to finally be leaving.
Anyway, about 6 weeks in to all of this, not having been able to sleep in my bed at all for pretty much all of that time, and not being able to 'sleep' for more than a few hours a night because of the pain, I'd booked to take part in a work event. I have taking my stall to these events down to a fine art. But it's a porter's trolley I take, it's stacked really high and it's very, very heavy. I can't drive, so I'm wheeling it to the train station, getting to the nearest train station to the event and wheeling it there.
I'm self employed, so not taking part would have meant losing the money I'd paid and on top of that, potential sales from the event. So it wasn't really an option.
I asked EX to help me get to the event and back in the car. And he flatly refused. He said he was going to be going out the previous evening. I asked if he could come and pick me up at the other end of the day and help me back.
So, it gets to about 3.30pm and I try and call him on his phone to make sure he's awake. No answer. I try another few times. Nothing. I pack up and head out, hoping he'll show up. Nothing. All the other business owners leave, they're all passing me and asking me if I need a hand. It's dark and it's cold (it's January), and I'm in **a lot** of pain, exacerbated by the cold. I don't have money for a taxi with me, and I'm thinking that if I try and get to a cashline machine or back to the train station I might miss XH. I start crying, then I stop, just totally defeated. Eventually he turns up, 90 minutes after the end of the event. No apology, no asking how I am, just a sort of air of defensiveness about him. He says he's been asleep/hung over because of the previous night.
Next time I see the person he went out with, this person looks really, really sheepish and apologetic (and he wasn't the sort to act like that).
Sorry for taking over your thread with this Don, I don't talk about this much IRL. A mix of being quite private, not wanting to come across as a 'victim', not wanting people to feel sorry for me, not wanting to talk about people (XH) behind their back and when they're not there to give their own version...that sort of thing.
Recently, I've been more taken up with the question of trying to work out why I had been attracted to XH (and probably people like him) in the past. Not any more though, those sorts of character traits really, really put me off someone, big style. But yes, why was I attracted to that? What was I looking for? Was it something that was missing in me? What questions was I trying to find the answer to? What did he give me that I thought was missing in myself?
