Unsure what's next, what to do.....

[Wanted1]

Update after the joint session:

Not sure how I feel about what I've learned. We didn't get through much and have all agreed to have another session to sort of pick up the conversations since we didn't really get them completed.

W started out telling me her feelings. She said she is happy with the changes that I've made and find them honorable and respects them but is concerned that it took a therapist and books to show me the love that I have for her and the things that I needed to change so therefore she sort of thinks they aren't real (I'm paraphrasing that last part). She said she's hesitant of believing that I am changing since there have been "empty promises" in the past. Said I've never supported her in the things that bring her joy and fulfillment and therefore she doesn't think I love her on a deeper, emotional level since I've never gotten to know her on those levels. Asked why my very instinctual habits would be changing now. She said she's having really hard time believing and grasping that I've become more religious, not eating as much and exercising, etc. (These are the changes that I've made in the past 4 weeks)

She went on say that the comments I've made to her have bounced with making her feel loved and hope for a better future but then telling her how much help I need and how damaged she is. (I think she's reading a lot into what I've said to her but I just tried to validate the entire time). I asked her to give an example of this and she didn't give any specific examples but said her "ears perk up very time I said something that she thinks is a jab at her or something to remind her that she is the one in the wrong or the one that needs help. She did state that I mentioned that I deserve the positive outcomes of what can come from working through this all in therapy, etc. moving forward since we've been together so long. She apparently didn't hear the whole comment because what I actually said was "I think we've both done things wrong in our relationship and I feel as though we both deserve to benefit from the positive changes in both of us moving forward. I specifically remembered telling her that SHE deserves a more emotionally available and loving husband in me moving forward since she's had to deal with the opposite for 9+ years. (A lot of what she said was picking and choosing what I said and taking them out of context however I didn't accuse her of that or address it. I sort of just let it pass by the entire time)

She went on to say that for some of these reasons she's not very confident that we won't end up right back where we are. She's concerned that this incident won't be held over her head moving forward (Even though I've told her a couple times that I will not bring up the past moving forward. That I think all of our time and effort needs to be focused on the present and future and bringing up the past isn't going to do anyone any good. I also expressed this again during the session today). She went on to say she thinks we can work on improving but a complete and total "change" is very "far fetched" given our history, she feels like "too much damage as been done." She kept referring to my "insults" lingering with her endlessly. She acknowledged that these comments were made out of anger (after finding out about incidents A, B, C - she mentioned comments of her promiscuity, unworthiness, or that she only gets attention because of her looks, etc.)

Long story short, there was just a lot of reading into my comments in the past, big time, and taking words out of context. I just don't know how to combat this when A) something was taken out of context or the full comment or thought wasn't shared and B) referring to the fact that all of the good things I've said are essentially set aside and not given any validity because I've said bad things in anger.

I completely understand that she has the right to be hesitant about the changes. Like its been discussed here in about every situation, you can't expect the other spouse to accept the changes after only a month. I can get past that because I know my changes are for me and for becoming a better version of myself. It's just the other things that she's holding against me that make me wonder if I stand a chance at all.

The whole session was just a lot of this same stuff. I'm just looking for some advice on how to proceed or if anyone has any pointers of what I can do better. I'm working on detaching because the outlook appears pretty grim at this point and I might as well start preparing myself now rather than later. I'm not going to be bringing up the R or M topic with her moving forward and I expressed that to her. I told her my door is always open to talk but I've said what I need to say to her and will not be coming to her with any of my thoughts or feelings moving forward.