Not sure "doormat" is the right word there, but you're right, you cannot mend the problems between the two of them. W is blaming you and she's blaming D, but she seems to think she has no part in it which obviously isn't the case. And unfortunately that is typical WAS behavior, everyone else is to blame. I mean holy hell, "I tried to text her and she doesn't reply, and when she does it's hurtful and disrespectful." Well which is it, she doesn't reply, or she replies but it's mean? It can't be both. And for crying out loud, TEXTING???????? THIS IS HOW SHE TRIES TO COMMUNICATE WITH HER HURTING D?????? It's aggravating. Kudos to you for trying but I would pull back at this point and hope that the IC can have an impact.
^^^ i would really love to address this. you’re right AS, D14 deserves more than text messages. actually they’ve been sitting down in front of D14’s IC. the last time, D14 got pissed after their convo, she came it to my truck and vented out. “oh my god! she’s playing the victim card! asking me if i can forgive her, and yet she’s still with that POS!” and i think D14 also knows that she is worth more than text messages.
had a text convo with WW last weekend about how hard it is for her to connect with D14. validated her feelings to the best of my ability. tells me that she’s staying in D14’s life no matter how painful it will be. told her about when i work and she stays the night, she’s “present” but not really “ there” meaning, D14 knows WW is home, but doesn’t engage her. no convo, no nothing, not even a knock on D14’s door. WW keeps on telling her she loves her, and i told her, D14 knows that, but actions speak louder than words, then followed it with, someone needs to be an adult between the two of you. and she kinda got irked with that comment, reminding me that she knows she is the adult.
in the end she mentioned their session with D14’s IC, where D14 wants to still have an R with WW, but just doesn’t want to talk to her. told WW, i don’t need to throw the elephant in the room for you to know why D14 doesn’t want to talk to you. WW replies , no you don’t. have to.
WW knows, only she can stop the bleeding, but she won’t.
>>>oops i forgot to hit submit on thos post hours ago...<<<
T, dont count on WW stopping her A or not seeing OM because of your D14. Right now WW's selfish needs trump everything else. Even if she were to stop now, it would only kick the can down the road a bit and youll end up in the same sitch again later.
Keep doing for you and your d14 right now.
Together:20 years M:3 years Me:40 WW:40 S15 A suspected:5/17 AC:5/18 BD:8/18 WW in full blown R w/ OM Still under same roof
>>>oops i forgot to hit submit on thos post hours ago...<<<
T, dont count on WW stopping her A or not seeing OM because of your D14. Right now WW's selfish needs trump everything else. Even if she were to stop now, it would only kick the can down the road a bit and youll end up in the same sitch again later.
Keep doing for you and your d14 right now.
thanks for the sound advice e.
i have accepted that reality wherein she’s going to stop and never come back. what’s hard to accept is, even D14 feels that way. she thinks it will be impossible for WW to choose in leaving OM over her. D14 thinks bee neagtively about WW and it’s hard to change her mind otherwise.
another thing took the dog to the vet, because her gums were bleeding. come to find out she needs her molar extracted. didn’t have to say anything to WW but i did. after all, she’s still part of this family. told WW thru text how much it’s going to cost, she suggested she knows a vet that can do it for less. and i know the vet, it’s POS’s uncle. my dilemma is how do i turn it down without being aggressive or arrogant.
was thinking along the lines of- “WW, i’m sorry if you find this reply in an arrogant or angry tone. i know who the vet you’re talking about and i don’t want him, main reason is i don’t want anything to do with POS. not my daughter, not my pets. don’t worry how much it’ll cost for the dogs procedure, i will find a way. the last time this happened we were able to do without that vet, so i don’t see the difference now.”
or just simply “ no. thanks for the offer, i’ll find a way to pay for it.”
