It's my understanding that many Avoidants become so because they had a high maintenance parent (like a borderline, or alcoholic, or just smothering). Because of this they fear being "engulfed" in a relationship.
Often the tip-off that you're dating an Avoidant is when something happens in your life where most people would offer condolences or assistance, the Avoidant goes silent. I've told three of my Avoidant friends or exes about the boyfriend's cancer. Two have said nothing, one has just forwarded me a couple of political items he knew I would enjoy.
Ah, kml...thank you. This is so interesting for me. I think XH's father is an alcoholic. He was put on some sort of medication for his alcohol consumption and should have stopped drinking altogether, but he just carried on a previously.
There was a point in my life when a lot of difficult things happened for me (family deaths, court case against an ex work colleague, lost a job I had done for a long time and really loved, plus others), and XH was just not there for me, to give me any support. He just sort of disappeared, emotionally. In fact, it was shortly after that they As started.
