Equalzr's WW. Still accepting advice! Pt 3

[Davide]

I definitely will start filling my time with activities. Unfortunately much of the time will be spent working and taking grad classes. I need to refind/find hobbies. Honestly, and i dont know if its the same for a lot of us, but i lost the fun in everyrhing i use to like doing. My sitch completely robbed me of the simple joys in anything really.

Maybe being lonely now is a bigger sign of codependency. Ill have to learn to enjoy myself and better myself, that way i dont fall into the same trap again. I think sort of being a loner probably led to codependency and i didnt realize it. Im more of a home body (part of WW's issues w/ me) so i dont necessarily build a lot of friendships. Im making it a point to be a lot more talkative and also initiate conversations so i can break out of that.

That is absolutely a sign of codependency. Focusing all (or too much) of one's attention on one's partner and losing contact with friends or losing contact with the activities that one enjoys, those are all symptoms. I remember post BD when people were telling me to GAL and to find activities that I enjoyed and it felt nearly impossible. The key for me was to force myself to be active and put myself out there despite the complete absence of motivation. There is a saying that action precedes motivation - once you get started it is easier to build motivation, the first step is the hardest. Once you get into a positive routine it becomes a virtuous cycle that feeds off itself.

I would say even if it is something as simple as getting out of your house and studying for your grad classes in a coffee shop it can help. There is certainly an element of "faking it till you make it" at first, but as time goes by and you gain better perspective the activities and social interactions will become enjoyable. For me it has mainly been exercise - rock climbing, yoga, and biking all of which I do with other people or meet new people at. Meetup groups are also a great way to expand your social circle without getting into the bar scene.