W went through an initial phase where she was quite short and bitter with me. Then, she went through a stage where all she talked about was the divorce process. Now, W just seems generally happy with life. She texts and calls me all of the time. Mostly about things that matter very little. It's interesting to see these phases.
Saddens me to say it, but I think this has been a huge relief to her. It's almost as if the last 17 years were just one painful memory for her. Meanwhile, I'm still torn up. The advice helps (GAL, detach, 180), but I can't completely put the sadness behind. I feel like a complete failure at times. We'll likely file within the next 2-3 weeks.
There are other times where I know that I deserve to be loved. I'm a good guy, good father, not abusive, not a cheater, not lazy doing household chores, make good money. I've made mistakes by concentrating on the kids and taking our R for granted, but I can't continue to beat myself up over that. Just have to keep improving to make sure it doesn't happen the next time.
