last night I took the girls out for dinner. we had a conversation in the car about daddy. we had (pre BD) discussed my buying a new car last year and D8 asked if we were still going to do that. i said i dont know as we dont have as much money as we use to have. this opened the door for D8 to ask questions. D12 just looked out the window. D8 wanted to know if daddy was coming back and i said i dont know. D12 is often angry with the world (hormones, body changing, moving from child to teenager) and I have spoken to her about this many times so I tried to frame it that daddy is going through a similar thing. I asked D12, when she is feeling sad/angry even if she doesnt know why. who she gets angriest with and she said "mummy" and when I asked her why she said "because you are always there". . I said it was the sane for daddy before he left but he is not as angry now and, because daddy being angry made mummy sad, mummy isnt as sad anymore.
hopefully i handled this correctly. no blame.
We talk a lot about listening and validating with the WAS, but what we don't talk about as much is that the same goes for the kids. What they are going through is very difficult and traumatic to them and their feelings are quite raw. So it's important to listen to them, and not to argue/explain/reason with them but just validate to let them know you hear them and sympathize with their feelings. It was good that you asked them so that they can open up if they need to and it sounds like you handled it pretty well.
Very sorry you're going through this! Glad you're getting a little sleep now, hopefully that will continue to get better.
