Advice for tomorrow ‘s meeting. It’s just you, W, and therapist (I think).
Be strong, stronger than your emotions, do not let them take you over, talk about your feelings, but stay in control. Be honest and sincere. Follow therapist’s lead. At some point I would think W is going to go on a tanget and become emotionally highjacked, let her. Don’t argue, her point of view is just as valid as your’s, and to her is the only valid one. She doesn’t have the benefit of clearheaded thinking right now, like you do.
These types of meetings are difficult you do not know what to prepare for. Best way to handle that, be yourself, and be honest. I am not sure how well you think on your feet, so a little tip, try to respond rather than react.
Best of luck tomorrow.
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Your latest drop off retelling.
I am pretty sure it is not a verbatim account of your conversation. So my comments are more assurance than admonishment based.
S9 telling you W is drunk, she is a drunk. Do not shut him down to fast.
Your kids are sharing their feelings with you, they trust you enough to share and explore them - with you. That is a precious thing, treat it as such.
No topics are off limits. Kids are thinking about things, and they will think about things with or without you, will come to conclusions with or without you, which way would be better for them?
Explore their feelings, not your’s, when talking to them. They can see Mom’s makeup and smell beer. Validate and discuss to their agenda. Let them tell you their fears, hopes, thoughts, whatever, and you assure them and comfort them. You can even steer them in a compassionate direction, but do not deny what is happening or their feelings.
Respect is, like most of this, another difficult item to figure out. Respect is earned. However, children should respect their parents. Not easily reconciled.
The method or way I handled this. Your Mom loves you, it is just buried deep inside her right now, so deep most of the time she can’t feel it or see it, but it is there. She is having some problems - and you can explain as much as you need too to explain her actions (when my W flaunted her adultery explainations that were needed were more than I wanted to do, my kids are older and have much more pointed questions).
With all that, you can let your kids know that she is their mom and they should try to be respectful even when she isn’t deserving of it, or espically when she is not deserving of it - that shows more of who they are, and will be, then who she is. Understand who she is and treat her with compassion.
That road is hard and the pay off is great. That is my advice. It has worked for me and mine.
I am willing to discuss anything further if you wish.
As I said, I think you are doing good and this is probably more assurance towards your efforts.
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
