H showed up this morning to take the kids out. Kids were about to eat their Sunday morning pancakes. When he came in, I was busy in the kitchen so I didn’t say hi right away. So he comes in and tries to catch my eye and says “Hi?” in the way that he does when he is wondering if something is wrong. I just gave him my best smile and offered him some pancakes which he accepted. We chatted for a bit and then he started to ask... “Do you want to...” and then stopped himself and asked if I had my posse today. My posse? “Yeah...are your friends coming over?” I knew he had almost asked me if I wanted to go with them and it was on the tip of my tongue to say “yes...lots of plans” but, like an idiot, I say, “No...no posse today.” “Oh,” he says obviously thinking better of asking me to go with them. It bugs me to help get them ready so he can take them out to do something fun, so I went off to my room and left him to it. He came in a bit later to tell me that he is stressing about his interview [for a promotion at work] on Tuesday and to ask me if I am okay. “I am great,” I said.
So... off he went with the kids yelling “Bye” as he walked out the door. He’s taking the kids to a corn maze. I hope there are a ton of families there... with moms and dads... I hope he looks around and even if only for a second, it dawns on him that he might miss me a bit or that it might have been more fun with both of us there. Of course, even if he does feel that, I’m sure he will stuff the feelings and continue to detach in his expert way. Sigh... good news though... him leaving that way brought up a flash of anger/sadness/frustration and then it was gone. Even a week ago, it would have ruined my whole day. Not today. It is a beautiful day out there. I’m going to get my chores done and get out there to enjoy it.
