waw maybe #4

[bhappy2]

What is the dilemma, is it regarding whether W should be invited or not? My attitude about stuff for the kids is always that both parents should go because both parents should show their support and love for the kids. That doesn't mean you and W have to drive together or even sit together, but don't try and block her from going. Don't invite her yourself or try to make her go if she doesn't want to, but I would suggest you tell S that you think he should invite her and he should tell her you are fine with her being there.

Not trying to block her at all, I want her to go, she has had no contact with the kids since Aug 26th except for one text. He is getting frustrated with her. I just dont know if I should reach out to her and ask her to come. I want this to be as smooth as possible.

AS all I really want right now is for the D to be completed and everyone start to heal. Everyday there is something new that pops up that W didnt do that I have to take care of, ie D19's contact lenses, W failed to reorder, so its up to me. Its ok I will do it but again she could communicate with the kids... she just doesnt want to.

[bhappy2]

updating:

Recieved texted from W:

W: Can you leave the money for S22's phone for sept and oct in the doorway under the mat

M: Thats between you and him

W: He gave you the money

M: No he did not, I just spoke with him, this is an issue between you and him please leave me out of this

Thats it, S22 then tells me that she told him to give the money to me, I do not need to be involved in this

So far she really wants nothing to do with anyone in our family. Except she is going to attend S21 police academy graduation which is on Monday. S21 asked if e can all go to dinner, I said no prob... will update how it went on Monday

[bhappy2]

Saturday Night:

a good problem to have, more than one invite. I am going to a house party. All of a sudden I am getting invites from people who have not asked me to go out in a long time. Funny how GAL happens, living life to the fullest.

I pulled out my roller blades from many years ago, found out they are no longer usable so I am going to buy new ones tomorrow. Going to start to skate again, looking forward to it.

S21 asked me to help him clean his gun, I said no problem. Graduation on Monday and he has is full uniform all laid out.

S22 is now S23, he did not hear from his mom on his birthday. He seems to be ok, I got him a giftcard to his favorite restaurant. No its not Taco Bell...lol

I do not have work schedule until Monday night... wow a full two days off.

I have given an offer to a new employee and we are waiting for his background to clear, if he clears I will have some help.

If you are reading this and struggling, I can tell you full well very soon your WAW, WW will be a distant memory! I promise you... nope you cant see it yet, why because you have blinders on... slowly as they come off you will realize you need absolutely nothing from them!!

[NicoleR]

Hi Bhappy2, those are all positive updates. It's nice to hear that you've reached those conclusions and that you're enjoying so many aspects of your life. I've been going through this for years now and my husband still isn't a distant memory but I have made myself independent. I hope your positive momentum keeps building!

[bhappy2]

Thanks Nicole, I try very hard to find time to simply live life. Its not always easy, but as time went on I find myself thinking less and less about W. I really dont care what she is doing or where she is. She distanced herself from her children and for that I do get a little angry. They did not do anything to her to deserve that treatment. They are adults and have accepted the fact that this is the new life she wants.

The positive momentum will not stop, you see here's the deal... I didnt know how boring my life really was until BD. I can now see things differently. I also have a new found confidence, I will not ever let anyone walk all over me, NEVER! That doesnt mean I am going to be a jerk, it means I now value my family and friends and I will step away from anyone who treats me with disrespect. Boundries.

GAL has created some really fun times, and great memories. As a LBH all I wanted was a chance to R... wow... not anymore... I want the life I have now more than my W. All my children say my god dad you changed so much its so fun hanging with you. I needed this to happen to me, it has opened up new avenues of life.

I will read your thread tonight... be well...

[bhappy2]

Updating:

S21 graduated today from the police academy and it was a great ceremony. D24 and S21 girlfriend came, W showed up by herself. I was walking through the train station and saw her and yelled her name and she turned around and came over rather quickly. She gave me a kiss on the cheek and asked how I was doing, very civil. We talked for a bit all small talk, I feel absolutely nothing, not nervous or anxious, just nothing. I do not care if she was here or not, I am supporting my son no matter what.

S21's girlfriend knows the sitch and asked if she wanted to sit between us I said great that works. D24 sat next to W and s21's girlfriend sat on the other side of her. Throughout the ceremony there was small talk between us all including W asking me different things about what was going on. She cried on certain parts that were a little tear jerking. They had bagpipes and drums, very moving.

We met S21 after and took pics, she wanted a pic of me, him and her. I was perfectly fine with that. Overall everything went well. Very pleasant and very different in the way she was speaking to me, much different as if there was a great relief in her, no pressure. She did look like she put some weight on and she was not all dolled up like when she would leave for work.

One issue arose and I did the right thing for my son. He asked me to see if his mom would come to dinner with us. I asked her but she declined saying she had to get back to work. I said ok, no prob. He was a little upset but quickly got over it. On the train ride home he told me that she only told him she was coming today. She never texted him back on Friday when he asked her. He gave her ticket to his girlfriend.

Overall it was a great day, I really am looking forward to the new chapter in my life. I pray for my son to be safe protecting us all.

Peace...

[NicoleR]

Bhappy, you sound like a great dad. Your kids are lucky to have you. You must be proud of them and it's good that you felt strong and stable on your son's special day.

[crofton]

Bhappy2 - enjoying reading your positive updates and how happy you seem to be, gives me a lot of hope as I am only at the beginning of this process and have a long way to go before I get to where you are at.

[bhappy2]

Updating:

Big Halloween party this Saturday night at the social club, I have not confirmed that I will attend because I am absolutely exhausted. Business is crazy right now and I just had another candidate fail his background check. Lets just say this is a this is a safety sensative position and you need to pass a drug test.

D19 has been in contact with me every few days, she asked to come how for 24 hours from college, I just could not swing driving her. It then dawned on me that something was up so I called her and asked whats going on and she told me she is feeling homesick and misses everyone and that she wants to come home. I talked it out with her explaining that we are all fine and there really is nothing that exciting going on and that Thanksgiving is not that far away and she will be home for 4 days. She calmed down told me she loves me, I told her I love her too. The next day I deposited some money in her account to help her out and she texted saying thank you. Love this kid, so strong, great athlete, unfortunate that she has to go through this.

S23 has informed me that he is indeed going to resign from the correction position and has enrolled in college for an Economics degree. I sat him down and talked about the pro's and con's. I told him I will fully support his decision as long as we have attainable goals. He agreed, then tells me that he saved up $38,000. I said wow!, good job...he already has an associates degree so getting his Bachelors will not be that hard. I told him to go for it.

Running has slowed a bit bc of work but I will run a 3 miler today.

I am slowly but surely cleaning every room in this house. The upstairs bathroom was just a mess, I am making time each day to tackle one problem at a time. Sorting out each issue has made things much easier for me, instead of getting overwhelmed with the whole house I take it one project at a time.

On the Lawyer front, we sent over our propsal and guess what? No response at all, not even a response that it was received. We then sent a letter/email that we need a resolution about the dog within 7 days. She needs to take him, I cannot take care of the dog with the hours I am working. Again no answer.

I have had NC with W other than the graduation. The problem is that she is now NC with the kids. S21 wants nothing to do with her. So much resentment.

Anyway enough about her, really looking forward to Thanksgivng as D24 will be home for 9 days. She called to let me know I said ok lets have a party and she agreed. All good here!!!

[Maika]

BH - just wanted to say that I am reading your updates and it seems like you're doing great. You're holding it down for your kids and that's amazing. Keep the updates going and hopefully the stuff with W gets resolved soon.