Was having a rough day yesterday and want to express appreciation for everyone's feedback. I feel amazing today and think I have finally sort of figured some of this stuff out. I could be wrong but I think I have made a great step forward and that;s basically that I don't care anymore. Before you read too far into that let me clarify. It is not that I don't care about my family, it is not that I don't care about my wife and it is not that I don't want my relationship to work. I came to the realization that I am better then this. I have made mistakes in my marriage, I have not been the best husband that I could be. But you know what, who has? I am human and I make mistakes and I learn from them. Last night I went out and met some amazing people/friends. It was a two fold night that included GAL and ended up including a lot of self help and something just clicked. I still have a ways to go in the area of self help but I am starting to love myself again. I realized that I am not so bad. I realized that I am a great person, great father and have a ton to offer. Most importantly I realized that I deserve better and I deserve to be loved to. I realized that I am not wrong to want the kind of intimate, connected, passionate relationship that I want. Most importantly I realized that right now that isn't possible with my W. I have a clear vision of who I want to be and what I want and ultimately if W can't see that and wants to walk away from that then she has to live with that decision. One day she will realize what she is missing out on. I hope when that day comes it isn't to late but I am moving forward and I am going to be fine no matter what happens.
Moving forward with DB'g: I am simply going to be my happy friendly self. I am slowly getting my confidence back and I am going to continue working on myself for myself. I am not going to let the outcome of my marriage affect me in any way. I am going to be friendly and kind because that's the kind of person I am and regardless of what comes my way I'm going to stick to that. For too long I have let others around me impact my feelings and mood and finally recognize that what others do or feel around me or towards me has nothing to do with me and shouldn't really impact me in any way. I want to make some improvements to myself but accept myself for who I am, am proud of who I am and am truly letting go of other peoples attitudes and negativity, friends, family and the W. I am me, accept me for who I am or head the other direction.
