Fresh Starts & Positive Vibes

[Jim1234]

Maika, your situation and mine kind of seem to be on the same path, and I can relate to a lot of what you've said. I don't think you should have the talk about what is going on in her head yet. You've had a pleasant dinner. I suspect dinner was a lure; don't bite! Maybe she's temp checking. Leave it at dinner for now. You've had a pleasant experience together, let her think about that for a while. If she's having second thoughts, she'll show more interest soon.

Just so you know, I won't go to her house for anything other than what's necessary. I had dinner there once, and it was very hard emotionally. I don't need to put myself through that again. And if your kids are distressed to see mommy and daddy together, and then daddy leave again, it's doubly not worth it.

It's awesome that you've achieved enough distance that you want to move forward with your life. When I got to that point, what worked for me was simply moving the D along. Scheduling mediation helped me achieve some additional distance, and a sense of having some control over the proceedings. Let her see both sides, that you are still the same wonderful, loving man she fell in love with, but you are ready to move forward, and she's at risk of losing you forever. You're not putting pressure on her; you're just giving her what she wants. The phrase, "Look, I don't want this divorce, you do, and not having enough (whatever) is a consequence of your decision," calmly stated, came up a lot. Maybe it will really make her think if she wants it after all.

I realize I'm a bit of a hypocrite in telling you not to bring up reconciliation and asking what she's thinking, having just done so with my W. We are really at the short strokes of finishing a separation agreement, and get along ridiculously well. Just so you know what was going on in MY head, it was more to make sure my conscience was clear knowing that I'd done everything I could to save our M, rather than with any expectation of success. I have no idea if I achieved anything else, but I absolutely achieved a clear conscience.

Just so you know, if you are really at the point where you are ready to move on, depending on how complicated your D will be, there is a HUGE financial incentive to get a signed Separation Agreement before the year's end. Tax law is changing, and if you do not get an Agreement signed before year's end, alimony will no longer be deductable to the payor, which may be a substantial tax hit to you.