I guess this is piecing

[Did]

Nef and AS - Thanks your support as vets who have been here longer than me means a lot.

Loves- I knew about OM2 for a long time. I just did not know the weirdness of their relationship until recently. W and I talked about it. She said that if they actually spent time together she would probably have not been so into him. But since he was unavailable she couldnt stop thinking about him. I think this goes back to childhood issues with abandonment and issues with her mom.
Yes I know she is torn between two lives and was thinking of OM2 for a long time. She also still is torn between seeing me as I am and the pain she felt by who I was.

W texts me hope you guys sleep well. When picking up D4 she asked how I was doing. I told her I was feeling really good, she said give the positive energy to D4. Act like Im invisible (issue / red flag - she is in a bad place), I joked that would be your super power if you were a super hero huh? She said she wanted to be off the clock, and wanted to have a drink but wasnt going to. (drunk driving accident a week ago - umm red flag) Id love to split a bottle of red like we used to but obviously didnt say that.

The comment of give D4 attention and act like I'm not here used to really get to me a year ago. So thats a solid 180. It still bothers me but I understand I cant fix / save / heal her.

My IC said that the sexual stuff she is into is a way of destroying yourself. She said she knows from experience and made a lot of mistakes in her past. That W self worth is so low and that is why she is fantasizing about these things because she thinks it will stop the pain.

MC says she thinks the books- 6 pillars of self esteem and codependent no more will really help W. I really hope so. I was surprised MC didnt really come down on me about my issues since I basically called myself a selfish [censored] in the MR she laughed and said she appreciated my honesty.

Yes I need to continue to back off and have. When she talks about dating, future housing together, and sexual things last weekend then 180s it throws me off a bit. No excuses play like a champion.

I plan on minimal contact until Tues MC. Only responding shortly but politely if / when she reaches out. She is coming to pick up D4 in the AM because I have to coach tomorrow.

Notes to myself for boundaries talk next week at MC... not sure if I will have this talk depending how things go. My main goal with MC is to get another session. Going to write some of the below down after getting your feedback.

No future relationship talk- housing etc unless W is consistent and we are ready to live together. Otherwise its just a passing thought and we see how it goes.

Understand this is going to take time for W to heal and us to heal R. No promises or expectations but need boundaries and structure.

Boundaries: No sleeping with or dating other partners. No sexual talk with other partners. No sharing our personal sex life / emotions with others outside of MC. Therapy for each of us.
Text minimally for things like schedule / D4, phone calls for anything important or emotional.

Friends / Fam know we are seeing each other (unsure about this one) - dont want to seem controlling according to W MC said this is a control issue?

Structure: Date at least 1x per week, can be dinner, or just lunch / coffee, meet at park. No more than 1 night in a row sleep over. Balance of family time, dating, sex. Babysitter. Have things to look forward to - visit fam with D4 and a night at a hotel etc.
If we don't have a plan our subconscious takes over- as if we are together lot of sex, family time (what's easy).
Ideally W does not ask for space but instead wants more.

Goals: Each of us improve and get healthier & happier individually. Read/ Therapy work on ourselves. Build trust, improve communication, consistency, have fun (not just in bed), be happy individually and together, work on consistency. Limited to no talk about R outside of MC.