I guess this is piecing

[Did]

lost I have been separated for about 16 months. We didnt have sex until 3 weeks ago. So this is new for me the sex part. We have both been with other parties. My W says shes not having sex with anyone or dating so thats a big difference in our sitch. She is inconsistent to say the least. Man the sex was good for me. So for me - no I dont think you can detach and have sex they are basically the opposite in my opinion. Youre coming together during sex youre inside her. Detaching would not be doing that... youre at least making it a lot harder. In my sitch my W is saying I love you and yelling my name asking me to play with toys all this stuff that is drawing me in. Then she withdraws and pulls away, needs space etc. Now after seeing IC she doesnt want to talk about anything sexual until she reads books IC recommended.... I just want to date and take it slow... sex is great but the I love yous and her talking about what were going to do in regard to housing- living together in the future is a little much.

So I had IC today with sex therapist. It went well, Ive done a lot of therapy so I spoke about all my issues. I know I have them. Im working on them and Im much better than I was when married but still a ways to go.

W had said she would do a couples session when she was in IC. So we are doing that Tues. I am hoping we can agree to set some boundaries, date, hook up, but not spend 2 days ago. I will come into IC with some basic boundaries. No future relationship talk- housing etc unless W is ready to be consistent and live together.

Boundaries: No sleeping with or dating other partners. No sexual talk with other partners. Date at least 1x per week, even lunch or coffee. Build trust, work on communication, have fun, be happy individually and together, work on consistency. Limited to no talk about R outside of MC for now.

Basically W needs to make a decision. She has said all this stuff: Im the best man she knows, a great dad, hotter than anyone, the sex was great, my energy is so different, Ive changed so much its so impressive etc etc etc. But then she jumps away after the good times together. It makes no sense to me- I know she is a mess. With this appt coming up there is the chance W will say she doesnt want to work on the R and wants to divorce. Its been 16 months. If thats the case then so be it. I go LRT / black / only talk about D4 if that is her choice. She can set up the divorce, support ends... maybe just pay rent since my name is on the lease.

She is attracted to guys that arent available. She says she cant think about or have sex because she thinks of "bad things". Like multiple partners etc. I dont think fantasizing about this stuff is bad. I think OM2 was controlling and put these ideas in her head. You can embrace your dark side. IC says many men are turned on by this. Doing it, I dont think I would. But I can talk about it.

Anyway, I plan on minimal contact until Tues appt. IC says that attraction will never last long term- unavailable.

Im pretty nervous / anxious but going to put my confident happy face on. I go to W place to pick up D4 after my appt.

I have limited time here but am heading to see my spiritual mentor in a few minutes.

Thanks for the support & opinions