Just keep swimming, I think I can, I think I can

[marina7]

Journaling,

Interesting couple of days,

W texting and wanting to talk.
But as I stated W has a pride
W will never say sorry or I did wrong

W for 10yrs always needed to be right even
When she was wrong.

W text earlier this week "we did something right"
I replied yes we did no regrets the trio's are amazing
W yes they are

D10 is sick W wanted to bring home remedy MIL
Makes for d10.
I said let the antibiotics kick in first

But this is where I am confused
W went to doctor office yelling and hysterical
Wanting kids records and wanting to know how many
Times kids been there.
Nurses where shock her behavior

I was more shock because that day I took d10
And was in touch with W since 7am keeping
W updated. And time I was taking d10
W showed up around noon the nurse told me.
I wonder if W confused the time or simply
Lost. Is like W forgets everything I tell her.

Is scary like dementia W forgets what she says.
I am glad I keep everything in text. I remind her to
Look at her text. Is like W doesn't recall anything.

Is scary to see someone you love losing her mind.

I feel like I am treating her like a child I feel bad
Because this is not me. And is not W she was once
A smart and strong woman. I cry as I write this.
Because I have lost my wife. She is gone is just a shell
A person who is struggling with life. I feel so bad. I couldn't

Imagine being in W shoes. It must be scary.
I also don't blame her it's scary seeing this person.

I know I took my vows on 2008 that I would
Love W through sickness and health
I wish W would get a MRI or something

We have been going to family doctor for 10yrs
Doctor and nurse said is scary to see W behavior
While I cried because I do hurt. Doctor patted
My back and said mom your doing good.

These kids need you more than ever.
W needs to find her way back but sometimes they
Can't. Sometimes is to late our brain is the strongest
Muscle but when that muscle breaks that muscle can't be
Fix.

Doctor was talking about W brain.
Today I went to library and got books
About brain how our brain works. Will
Have lots of reading this weekend
And also fun Trios and I doing a small hike
Tomorrow and carving pumpkins.

Super excited. Is getting cold over here so we
Will be staying warm.