Hi my DB family, I have been actively reading here but not updating because I have nothing much to report. WH and I have minimal contact, he probably is figuring out how to proceed with D, sent me some out of the blue texts, seemed like minimal temp checking, I was civil and to the point to the questions he asked.
Do I still think about him and miss him? Unfortunately yes. But I also realize he is not ready to come back and I am absolutely not ready to take him back even if he does. I wish I was more healed than this, that he didnt even cross my mind, but I am not there yet. I am consciously focusing on myself, my beautiful Ds , my job and taking it one day at a time. More people around us are realizing we are S and are beginning to ask questions and give me meaningful looks but that is again something I cannot control or want to worry about anymore. I still have bad days but I am aware of them and I am seeking out for what I need to heal myself.
I have read a lot of old threads, Robx, Mowgli, NYGAL - wow, each person's journey is an eye opener and helps me.
@ Davide, I am glad you enjoyed the video, I have been listening to him so much, wise and witty he is a great orator.
Here is an excerpt of another talk I heard that really helped me this week, so instead of discussing my problems I am hoping that reading this will help my other LBS friends and gives them some peace going into the weekend.
I am typing out what I heard, none of this is my creative brain at work.

A man walking in a jungle realized he has been spotted by a hungry tiger. The tiger starts chasing him and the man does the only thing he can, run away from it while fully aware the tiger is faster than him and will eventually get him. While running for his life, he notices a dark well in the forest, thinking it cannot get worse than being eaten alive by a tiger he jumps in. As it happens in life often for those who are facing difficult times, this well is empty and is home to a large black poisonous snake. The man, on jumping, gets caught in the roots of a tree that have grown into the well. So now hanging upside down by his legs, he sees the tiger is bending down to bite him off but he is just a little out of its reach and the snake has woken up and is raising its hood to attack him but again he is just a little out of the snake's reach. With fear gripping his heart,he notices something sticky trickling down on his face and looks up to the tree and sees that an empty bee hive has cracked open on impact and is dripping with honey. He puts his tongue out and tastes the best honey of his life and says 'Thank you god, this is so sweet'. That's it, End of story.
This is how life really works, there is no fairy tale ending, life is full of unexpected turns and events and goes on and on.
When you are between a rock and a hard place (tiger or snake) take a moment to realize there is still honey around you, life always has some facets where it is still sweet and is at its own best version. WAS, S and D might be our worst fears but we all still have some part that is still working for us, it may be our jobs, our health, our personal growth or our beautiful children. We need to remind ourselves to enjoy and cherish what we currently have before it is too late without looking back to this day with regrets.
Looking back on the past is worry, looking into the future is hope, so dont worry be hopey.
(I hope I can implement 1% of the moral here in my own life)