W called last night. She was on her way to work, and she wanted to drop some toys off for S (he had already gone to bed). I told her that would be fine. I met her downstairs, she wanted to come up and see him. I said "he's asleep". She said she wouldn't wake him up, she just wanted to see him...so I said she could. She came up, saw S, then sat down in the living room and started crying. She's been sick, and working like 70 hrs this week. She started talking about things that need to be done for him, doctors visits, etc. and asking if I had done any of them. I just said "I've been busy, but yes, I'm trying to get them all done."
She started getting angry and accusing me of trying to undo everything she's done for him, doctors, day care, socialization, and how she only let him stay at OMs place because OM's S was his friend...and that's when I was done. I said "No. You wanted to see OM. You weren't doing that for S. Don't give me that bs, we both know it's an excuse." Of course, she got mad and started raising her voice. While she was getting in my face, in the middle of her sentence I looked her in the eyes and said "Get out. Now."
She stopped, looked like she had been punched in the stomach, and fell on the floor crying. I sat back down in the chair. She said "I just want my baby!" I said "I know, but if you are going to come here and lie to me, feed me bs excuses, and possibly wake S up, you can leave."
She said "If this is anything close to what you felt like when I left, then I'm really, truly sorry" and started sobbing harder. I said "Yeah, it's kind of like that." Then she said "I just want to stop...I'm tired of drinking too much to just distract myself from this." I said "me too." (Side note: I really don't drink that much at all, but a couple of times, I have. But that's never been a go-to for me at all). She hugged me. Then she left.
She called as she was leaving, said she forgot something she needed to talk to me about and asked if she could stop back by after work (she only was dropping something off at her job). I said ok. She came back by and offered to help pay for my ADHD meds. I didn't tell her she could. I know she probably wants some of them, and frankly she needs them, but she can't afford the copay for the doctor. I didn't say yes.
She asked "when can I have my baby back?" I said "I don't know. But you can see him whenever you like."
She said that she understood, and she hugged me again and left.
I know 100% that she's still being self-serving with stuff. During the conversation, she mentioned how hard she was working both at her job and to make sure that S was getting everything he needs, and I told her "I understand. I've seen the efforts, and I can tell you're trying." What I left out was that I know it's still all for her own benefit, and until she can stop being a spoiled brat, she's just going to have to deal with it.
It's weird...she's used to being able to push me around, and now that she's really not able to, she's v e r y s l o w l y trying to change some things about herself...which is good, but if she thinks I'm going to just back down, she's finding out that she's very, very wrong. And I can see that it's affecting her a bit. She's not used to me being in charge of my life...and then suddenly she got exactly that.
She decided to get completely off of all social media. Which is really strange.
At one point she asked me "so what's the game you're playing with me? Are you just trying to get back at me for leaving?" I looked at her and said "there is no game here. This is reality."
It's funny how she thinks that attacking me is going to cause me to break. I don't get it...she knows now that I'll stand my ground, and I don't let her just plow me over.
Then when that doesn't work, she tries to be nice. Which I respond to a bit better, but still standing my ground and not budging on my decisions.
I dunno. Life is strange. BUT...I'm feeling pretty good this morning.
