Another restless night. I managed 2 hours without sleeping aid, then awake, playing back every interaction my H and I have had over the past week. I eventually gave up trying to sleep on my own and took a tablet. That lasted 3 hours of solid sleep followed by 2 hours of awake, asleep, awake.
I had texted the nanny to say I would be 15 min late last night. She was ok with this. Straight after, I got a text from H asking if he could come visit the girls.
H: Can I come by and see the girls at 8. M: sure.. The girls will lile that. I prob won't be there as running late H: oh, ok. Do you want me to come earlier. I can take over from [the nanny] M: If you want. [The nanny] knows I'm late. H: <<thumbs up emoji>>
Is this pursuing. If I were truly detached I would have just said no. Is he cake eating. Having his single life, and then also coming round here and getting his family life fix?
I timed it so I would get home about ten minutes after him. I even left my car at the station so he thinks I've been out for drinks after work. In actuality, i was just held up at work. PS - I know that sounds more like game playing then detaching, But it doesn't hurt him to think this.
He was sitting on the cuddled up on the sofa watching cartoons with D8 and NOT scrolling through his phone when I came in (if you knew H before you would be screaming WTF). I offered to make him a coffee or tea. I think this is politeness not pursuing. I then sat on the opposite sofa with my D12 and started scrolling through mSopy phone. This is a complete reversal for us. Before BD I could never find my phone (it was always in another room or at the bottom of my bag) and his was permanently attached to his arm.
He initiated small talk. Mostly nothing. I was polite, but disengaged. He then said as I am home today (friday) he won't take my car to the garage and then proceeded to tell me in minute detail how to get there, where I should sit and wait etc. . I said "Ok, thanks" looking down at my phone the whole time (this is what he use to do to me). I then said as he was here with the girls, I might go tidy up my bedroom. About 15 mins later he came up and said he was leaving and asked if he could pick up the girls and take them to school this morning. I said "Ok, and you can give me a lift as I left my car at the station" (my imaginary drinks meant I couldn't drive home).
I think I am detaching but I am not setting boundaries. I do not know if he sees the changes or sense the detachment. Maybe they are too subtle.
I have not brought up D or R.
GAL activities: I am going to have breakfast with some girlfriends and then go to the library where one of them has a snall exhibition of art work.
