Wow what a crazy tale that is. Well, let's get to the crux of it- your H is actively having an affair. Your H is unlikely to file for D not because he is leaving the door open to recon, but because he's in bad shape financially and wants financial support from you in the form of insurance and who knows what else. So where does that leave you? Personally whenever I read sitches about women dealing with an adulterous, lying WAH my advice is always the same- tough love is the ONLY approach to take. NO cake-eating. NO sleeping with him, or letting him hang out or long talks on the phone, or chummy chats. Cut all but required contact. Make the house off limits to him. Let him know you are NOT playing his games or taking his crap. I would even suggest as Steve did that you cut him off your insurance at the earliest opportunity.
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First words out of his mouth were, "First of all, we're getting a divorce." Interesting, given even AS WE SPEAK he has (still) not filed. It's been since May that he first swore he wanted a divorce
In other words, "I'm single and can do whatever the hell I want." To him you're already D'd, the paperwork is just a formality. I don't really know what you hoped to gain by continuing the convo after that, I guess you were hoping for a heartfelt apology but you've got to understand, you are NOT going to get it. If anything he'll find reasons to blame YOU for his affair. You didn't love him enough, or give him enough sex, or clean house enough, or hang the towels in the bathroom right. IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!! THAT is his mindset. All you can do is leave him to this ridiculous mess he's making. Get out. GAL. Leave him alone. Focus on you.
By the way I guess you know you can't believe anything he says. If his lips are a-movin' he's a-lyin'. Just remember that.
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I text him, ask if he's aware of the message, he says he is not. I ask for him to call. He says he wants to know what's going on. I just say "me too". When we finally speak, I tell him I know he hasn't told me the full truth, that I AM being made a fool of and at this point he just needs to be completely honest with me.
OK well we would have advised you against 90% of what you did, but it's water under the bridge at this point. No more of this though, you're just adding insult to your own injury. You know he's a lying cheater, there's nothing more to learn or explore about that, right?
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And financially, I don't know WHAT he's up to. So while I don't want to file, I feel I will need to file sooner rather than later whether I'm ready or not just to protect myself in case he's deciding to go run up a bunch of debt with OW or something!
You are absolutely right and you are at greater risk of this then you may realize. Take action IMMEDIATELY. Talk to a L, explain everything and determine a course of action. It doesn't necessarily mean D, but you do need to make sure you are financially protected because the next time you see him he may very well be in a 2019 Corvette convertible. Even if he doesn't saddle you with that payment you are still paying his car insurance! He may do things to be hurtful and hateful, or maybe just because he thinks he "deserves" a new car, a 5000 dollar suit or a nice cruise with his GF (or all of the above). Seriously I've heart it all in my time here, if he's MLC there's no limits to the potential insanity.
